Waiting...

I've been thinking of something I could write about today. It seems that a common theme on the blogs I've been reading is about some form of waiting. I was looking through some pictures when I ran across this one. I thought it was a good visual of the stages we are in when we are waiting.





I see the first seal at the bottom as someone who has decided to risk getting out of their pool of "xyz". They are weary from fighting. Exhausted. Breathing is about all they can do right now. They are just now experiencing life outside of the pool. Their heart is full of questions...anger and fear and ambivalence are taking a seat at this new table. Raw is what feels the truest. Even places of numbness can still exist. Getting out of the pool was HUGE...but that's all they can muster. Hope? Hope is just feeling right now...its a mixture of fighting and resting. It's complicated.

The second seal has taken a big risk in getting up from the fear and exhaustion. Hope now looks like believing there is so much more. But it's something like looking around the corner. You're up...your feeling...your hopeful...but cautious. Is it worth it to walk up to the door. You've heard all the right answers to your heart's questions...maybe you know them inside&out, but can you believe them. Can you take them to the door and ask "Please? See me. Hear me. I'm ready. Please open this door." This seal is hopeful. But is waiting around the corner. Desiring to step out.

The third seal is risking everything. Standing at the door...hope in hands...asking loudly. Waiting for an answer. Waiting completely vulnerable...hiding behind nothing... It's hard to be there. It hurts like hell most of the time. You know someone is behind there...someone is listening. But you'll keep waiting. Hoping that door will open. Refusing to run behind the corner...refusing to give up and lay down...refusing to jump back into your pool because somehow you'll be covered and safe. You wait because there is something glorious in the pain and questions. There is something beautiful to be heard in your heart's cry.


I wonder where you're at today? Which seal are you? Are you just breathing? Peeking around the corner? Or standing at the door?

I've been to all these places...sometimes I do a little dance between standing at the door to running back behind the corner. Sometimes I just say "F*ck this. I'm too scared." And jump back into my pool. It's a process. A journey. A slow painful dance that teaches me that standing at the door is so worth it. If only I risk it all to wait.