Hope...

Hope invites you to a place at the table. It's precious, tender and gives you a sense of belonging. Hope fills your heart and mind with dreams and longings. Hope is sometimes synonymous with happiness. When you feel hopeful, you feel happy and vice versa. Hope is redemptive.

But...

Hope is also the very thing that makes your longings ache without comfort. It is fleeting and time sensitive...you never know when your hope will "dry up". Hope makes a fool out of our hearts. Hope lets in dark lies that whisper a sweet song in our ears. Hope is a dangerous thing.

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One week from now we'll see if all the medications I've been taking, the "special" injection, and the sonogram to check on my follicles have helped. Tomorrow I go in for another progesterone test and then a week after that I go in for a pregnancy blood test. That scares me.

I've never gotten used to seeing a negative on the pregnancy strip. And now for the first time I'll be waiting for someone to call me and tell me whether our dreams have come true or not.

I'm terrified.

I want to hope that this is it. With this phone call we can breath and dream and plan and cry some happy tears. I want this to happen so badly. I want the phone call to tell us that God has shown up for us in a huge, miraculous way.

One phone call can change our life.

What's going to happen?
Do I dare to hope that something good will finally happen?