Feeling Vibrant

I've been doing a little shopping with some money we got from our tax refund and I noticed a trend this year.

 I've been very into black for a long time. Back when I was teaching piano, I wore a lot of black and white and reds. Basic colors that were easy to combine. After I stopped teaching I switched to wearing a lot of t-shirts. Then the last two years I have very slowly branched out to some color. It felt hard at first. I know that sounds very silly, but it felt weird and uncomfortable. Last year I got more comfortable with it and have been trying to stay away from the safety of my basic black-only look. This year has definitely marked a change. And it all started with a pair of yellow heels.

I went into the mall before Valentine's Day looking for a cute top to wear. I wasn't having much luck. And then in the sale area I saw a pair of bright yellow heels. At first I wasn't even going to bother to see what size they were in. Bright yellow heels? Seriously. That did not sound like me. And the moment I thought that I said "Why doesn't that sound like me?! I am a fun, spunky girl! Why shouldn't I have bright yellow heels?" So I checked them out and they were a 1/2 a size too small (a 6 instead of a 6 1/2), but I didn't care and they still fit me.

Very proud and excited over my find, I realized that now I needed something to wear with my new heels.  I found a dress. Now I rarely wear dresses because I never feel like a have an occasion to wear them to, but I thought of one that might happen and decided either way it looked great with the heels and I needed this pretty dress. And yeah, I even twirled around in the dressing room with it on. Haha!

Then slowly this month I have picked up some other tops and and nail polish. All very colorful! When I was showing N, my new finds from yesterdays short shopping trip he said "Wow! All these tops are very vibrant!". I couldn't help, but smile and say "I guess I'm just feeling very vibrant lately.". And I am. Things feel very different for me this year and with all this change it has left me feeling vibrant and my clothing choices are showing that!

Vibrant.
Pulsing or throbbing with energy or activity
Vigorous, lively, and vital
Relatively high on the scale of brightness




It feels really weird that I would use that word for how I am feeling lately. There are days when I don't feel vibrant. I feel dull or ordinary. But for the most part I am feeling vibrant and it feels really awesome.  

There is no denying it.  Vibrant. Bright heels and all. :-) 

What to write about...?

I've been trying to think about a blog post lately... I sat down last week and started writing one out, but my thoughts weren't flowing onto the computer correctly. I knew in my head what I wanted to say, but once my fingers started to type them out it came out jumbled lol. I still want to write that post...maybe I will later. :-)

Anywho, what to write...

How about tattoos? Okay! haha

I have had the major ink itch this year. I didn't get any new tattoos last year and now I'm going through withdrawals... like real bad. Haha! I have all these ideas floating around in my head and I have lots pinned on Pinterest. So far two are set in stone. Another two are getting in the process of being settled on. And I was joking around about one to Nate and he thought it would be freaking awesome so maybe that one will be added too. Hahah. Oh dear. I love tattoos.

They are the expression of my soul. Seriously.  They may mean absolutely nothing to the people in my life, but they mean a lot to me. Each one has a story associated with it. Most of the time I shorten the stories, leave more personal parts out, sometimes I just simplify it to the most basic form, and sometimes I tell the whole story.  Now when I say story... don't think that each one has an incredibly, emotional story. Nope. Some are simple stories. But a story that lets you know me a bit better if you want to take the time to listen closely.

If I had the money I would be covered in ink from neck to toe. I love when I see other people who have tattoos and those who are covered in them. I always want to ask the ones covered to tell me about their "ink journey", but I don't because I'm a shy person around strangers and it would be weird if a stranger asked another stranger that. Maybe not... maybe someday I'll be brave enough to!

I get upset when people judge others with tattoos. I once read a blog post that said that people with tattoos were "rebellious, edgy, and untrustworthy". I got angry at first and then had to laugh. How shallow and sad that someone is too afraid of what they don't understand... if you would just talk to us you would realize that we are perfectly normal people who love life passionately. We take small glimpses of our soul, the good and bad, and display it for the world to see. We risk rude stares, narrow minded comments, and misunderstanding all so we can have a constant reminder of who we are. Now I know that not everyone gets tattoos that mean something to them. I know a lot of people who ended up with stuff because they had a little too much to drink or they were young and "being stupid".  There are plenty of those tattoos regrets. Funny thing is that they still have a story associated with them. And I always enjoy hearing about those... It's still a chance to get to know people better!

I plan on having a bunch of ink on me. And as for the "what happens when you are an old wrinkly grandma?" Well...I'll be a hell of an awesome old wrinkly grandma with my grandkids. And it's not like I'm going to suddenly look like a bulldog when I'm old! Hahah! I will have tattoos when I'm an old lady and will love telling my grandkids about them when they ask "hey grandma, what's that one for?" and I'm going to love listening to their tattoo stories and um yeah, I will be the cool grandma going to get more! Hahaha I can just see myself doing that! ;-P

I think tattoos should be your personal choice. Now I'm all for saying yes when someone asks if they should get one, but I am a firm believer that you should get something that means something to you... something that you want to have on you for the rest of your life. And if you don't like tattoos well that's okay too! Just don't pass judgement on those of us who do.

Anywho, I am hoping this year will bring me some awesome ink. I was planning on going to get two done this week, but I'm going to wait till after Spring Break. Ocean water and sun probably aren't a good mix for a freshly done tattoo. I just like to play on the safe side.

And someday, I'm going to cross something off my bucket list. I'm going to LA and having Kat von D tattoo me. I already have the tattoo picked out. It will probably be expensive as heck, but it will be so worth it. I love that woman. All covered in her tattoos and in her punked out clothes, she seems to show how a tattooed woman can still be a strong, and feminine women. You can disagree with me lol, but that's why this is my personal opinion. I have read some stuff of hers and watched her show and she has such a sweet heart for really listening to people's stories while tattooing. It's pretty awesome to me. I can't wait to enter High Voltage one day and have her do the most awesomest tattoo on my back. And yeah, I'm so getting lots of pictures and hugging her and probably will get teary eyed from all the awesome happening. :-)

Kat von D

Until then I'll keep adding to my "story collection". And if you ever want to know the real stories behind my ink just ask me. I can't guarantee you'll be impressed hahah, but if you listen closely I can guarantee that you will know me a lot better.

Change...

I'm sitting in my living room thinking about all the change that has occurred in my life this year and the change that will continue to happen.

I have finished my first semester back at college and I am registered for my next semester...and...if everything works out I'll graduate Spring 2013. Three semester left. Well...for my associates, but for me that's pretty awesome. And pretty exciting.

See...That's an example of good change. Change I welcome and embrace. And there's still more good change that I'm looking forward to. And some scary, but good change that could happen in a year or two. Change that feels redemptive and new and exciting. There are so many new things N and I are pursuing and hoping for together. The journey of good change feels like a good cup of hot chocolate...it warms my soul and soaks my heart in a delightful bubble bath.

But there's change that doesn't feel so good. Change that leaves me curious and nervous. Change that leaves holes in my life. Change that leaves me sad and pondering things quietly in my heart. Change that leaves me with unspoken words of hurt and anger. Change that I don't want to talk about because instead of just saying what's on my heart I chose words carefully and cheat myself and those involved out of seeing my tears, my anger, and my thoughts.

Careful. That's my word for myself this past months. I have become careful. Careful to not rock the boat. Careful to not be too much for those around me. Careful to not ask for anything. Careful to contain my "negative" emotions. Careful to not give my opinion because it's not really wanted. Careful to not become hyper-vigilant, but realizing that it's a losing battle in some situations. Careful to just talk about the great and happy things around me. Careful to not expect anything so I won't be surprised (it's stupid to say I won't be disappointed...I will...but at least I won't be surprised.)

Auuuuugh.

This was supposed to be a happier, lighter, I-think-I-need-to-blog-again post... Apparently out of the fingertips the heart floweth. ;-)

What happened to the days of a good cry over coffee in Starbucks?

Back At School!!

Today was my second day back to school. It's so strange to think that after almost four years I'm back. I always hoped to go back, but my mind realistically speaking thought that probably wouldn't happen. And yet, during the same week that I am about to turn 25, I am back! And all because my husband refused to let me give up on my dream. *insert happy smile*

There is so much different this time around. So much. And that's what makes it even more awesome...

And I am so hungry to learn!

I feel giggly when I think about it all. Don't ask why... it just does. Haha!

I was definitely nervous when I walked through campus to my building, but it all just slowly sunk it. I'm not the awkard, frizzy haired kid with a visible top retainer, no make-up, and roller backpack that would let anyone in a five mile radius know I was coming. I'm not naive and desperate for anything and everything. I'm not wearing stupid hose all day. I'm not in a major I hate. I'm not exhausted, lonely, or angry. I'm not starving myself because at least then I have the skinny body I see on the pretty, skinny girls. I'm not in tears because my teachers have once again reminded me bluntly that I don't have the skill required to be in that major. I'm not sitting in the first row.

I sit close to the front, but in a place where feels comfortable...usually the middle. I'm eating and I love to eat and I bring lunch with me since I'm there during lunch time. I'm alert in classes, happy, eager, and definitely not feeling lonely! I'm studying Psychology (finally!!!). I'm aware of the world around me and my heart is full. I have a plain black backpack with my "Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes" pin (that I got on vacation) smack dab in the middle. Oh! And my hair is super short and has purplish tones in it right now.

And did I mention I'm studying Psychology?! Hahaha I'm so excited!!

I love being back at school. The years have changed me...and have made me ready to grab hold of this new chapter with great passion!

 My first day going to Kindergarten! 

  My first day going to Northwest Vista

My first day Back to school!! Can you tell I'm excited?! Hahah! 

 

Ding Dong, I Stole Her Shoes!

I've always wanted Dorothy shoes ever since I watched Wizard of Oz as a little girl. Now I have them. Well...I have some that I can't actually wear lol. I've been trying to make my own Halloween decorations ahead of time and I saw a picture over at Pinterest that was a DIY Wicked Witch leg's & ruby slippers. Okay...so I have the patience for some things, but not for all of that so I grabbed an old pair of heels that are too small for me, bought red glitter and starting on my shoes. I'm pretty sure I ingested a crap load of glitter after all this was done!

Sigh. I love them! If I hadn't painted the inside of the shoes black (they were a weird greyish plaid color before) and if the shoes weren't too small then I would totally be wearing these...like everyday. :-) One Halloween decoration is done...now only five hundred more to complete. Haha!

The Three Princesses...

 There have been two Disney movies that have connected with me my almost 25 years. Everyone I know loves Belle, Ariel, Jasmine...and the other gals, but my two favorite have always been Cinderella and Mulan.

Back when I was little I used to watch Cinderella religiously. I had all her songs memorized and when I was cleaning up...when I was getting dressed...when I was sewing...I saw myself as her...dreaming and waiting. I used to close my eyes and hope that when I opened them again my Fairy Godmother would be there singing and a beautiful dress would be swirling around me. I even learned all the songs on the piano and would play them over and over again while singing and looking out the dining room window where our piano was positioned. I'd always remember "have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will smiling through...no matter how your heart is grieving...if you keep on believing...the dream that you wish will come true." No one could order me to stop dreaming.

One a sillier note I always wanted a cat like Lucifer...and I got one. :-)

And when Nate and I had our first kiss back when we were dating (and what an freaking awesome kiss was that?! yumm!) and I waltzed back inside my house and into my room...I kid you not...I literally was singing softly to myself "So this is love".

I have two copies of Cinderella. One my mom bought me...the other I stole from my grandmother because her cover was newer. I'm not proud I was a little thief...but it was Cinderella...

Then another movie came out and I saw it a million times in theater. I even had a Mulan birthday party.
Here was girl (and she had black hair just like me!!) who was insecure, but was hoping and struggling to be herself...to find who she was. A girl who chose a hard path to prove herself a worthy woman. A woman who could fight along with the boys and still be so tender and beautiful. And...she got her "prince" at the end too...

I know people make fun of the Reflection song, but that song still to this day makes me tear up. It pulls at something so deep inside of me...and as a girl struggling to keep dreaming and who had no clue who she was...that song was written for my little heart. As silly as it might be, I would sing it in the mirror hoping that at that moment maybe...just maybe...my reflection would show who I was inside...

   

I not only had a favorite princess who encouraged me to dream passionately, but a warrior princess (she's a princess in my opinion!) who fought valiantly with strength, courage, and beauty.

I plan on watching these two movies with my little girls someday...and even reading to them about the real Fau Mulan.

So I've loved these movies...each so different, but perfectly connectable to my heart. I seriously have thought no other Disney movie could share a spot with these two... Until...

This week...I watched Tangled. I had heard it was good, but I'm "grown up" now and if I'm going to do animated movies...well...no one can hold a candle the old school movies and now to Pixar. But it was on Netflix for Instant viewing so I thought "Why not?!". Seriously, by the end of the movie, I was in tears. Another movie princess crept in and tugged at me. Love, Adventure, Dreaming.

There were so many places that connected to my story. I found myself laughing at Rapunzel when she did things that reminded me of her and tearing up when things happened to her that happened to me. Of course I have no idea what it's like to have golden, long ass hair, but that's neither here nor there lol.

I've now watched it twice. Once by myself and tonight again with N. Even he liked it! And this scene, even the second time around, brings tears to my eyes.  {Hmm...well I tried to embed it, but it won't work so please...please click on the link and watch it! I think it's so beautiful and tear worthy...but that's just me...}

I See The Light

Now I have three favorite princesses. Three to share with my future little princesses. I can see us having a "war" outside and fighting like Mulan or having tea while Cinderella sweetly sings or curled up, drinking hot chocolate while Rapunzel shows us that adventure is out there for us. And really, just three to remind myself that you're never too old to have three favorite princesses...

And what's even better...they were all right...my prince did come. Guess Disney knows what they were talkin' about. :-)

A Little Story...

My whole life I've always written little stories. Some I finished. Most I left unfinished. They range from Edgar Allen Poe inspired stories, hobbit adventures, southern belles, super-villains, etc. One of my cheesy favorites was written back when I graduated from high school. It was during my Adrian Brody crush-a-thon. :-)  I remember reading an interview he gave to some magazine...well...I'm not sure I was reading it as much as I was drooling over his pictures. Haha! And suddenly I had the urge to write... I grabbed a sticky pad and jotted down: "high and delicate cheekbones framing a strong nose and baleful eyes that peer out from under a pale brow with just a trace of mild amusement" Can you tell how in love I was? Hahahaha!

Well today I thought I would share my little story. Don't laugh...haha...okay you can laugh. I admit...I can be quite obsessive! Don't expect anything amazing...I am by no means good at writing!

Mystery Man

"As I was standing on the corner of 5th and Broadway an unnatural mist settled on the surprisingly relaxed paced street of New York. I had nothing to do that night and decided to watch the variety of people passing by my doorsteps. There were socialites, social climbers, reporters, musicians, politicians, junkies and 'women of the night'. There were so many people I could write about, but amazingly I wasn't interested in any of them. 


Then when I was about to give up hope and go back inside, I changed my mind. Across the street stood a man by whom I was inspired to write. dressed in an Armani suit with a fedora slouched across one side of his jet black hair. He leaned against a street lamp and lit a cigarette. He had high and delicate cheekbones framing a strong nose and baleful eyes that peer out from under a pale brow with just a trace of mild amusement that danced in those enchanting eyes. For a moment I was lost in time just looking at him, but quickly came back to earth when I noticed him looking at me. 


I felt embarrassed and hoped he hadn't noticed how long I was staring at him. A smile played on his face and he winked at me. Then slowly he turned away, climbed into a cab, and drove off into the starry night. I went inside and quickly began to write. Never again would I see a man like him and I probably would never see him again, but his memory would be with me forever. "
                                                                                                                                by: M. Arnold - 2004




Omg!  ;-)