A Very, Fun Day...

The first time N and I got pictures taken was before we got married for our engagement pictures. A sweet friend offered to take the pictures for us and we greatly appreciated it. They came out beautiful, but unfortunately my hubby accidently lost the cd that contained all the pictures before we were able to print off any of them. I was glad I was able to find four of our engagement pictures on her website.

When we got married I had hoped to have more pictures of our wedding, but all I got was an album and nothing else. Our photographers skipped town and didn't tell us and the people who took over just ignored our emails and phone calls. It sucked and there was more disappointment there.

I've always wanted us to go and take some fun and cute pictures, but it just never seemed to work out...until this year. My sister-in-law's best friend takes some pretty awesome photographs and after she did some family pictures for my in-laws I was hoping that she could help us out. So this week we headed downtown and she snapped away while N and I did our goofy, lovey-dovey thing. It was awesome and fun and she captured a lot of amazing moments between us.

In a funny way it kinda felt redemptive to get these pictures...

Love Story from Mal Arnold on Vimeo.

Our Cat - Hermes

When we started to look for another kitty I was happy and nervous. I wanted a kitty that Thalia would enjoy and be able to play with...and one that would make an effort to respect her territory. I also was hoping for a cuddly cat!
We started looking at cats and I wasn't seeing one that just captured my heart. There were quiet kitties, aggressive kitties, loud kitties, ugly kitties, and diva kitties. Black & white kitties, gray kitties, white kitties, and strangely colored kitties. I was becoming discouraged. Nate said that since we already had a black cat maybe we should go for a cat of a different color. I looked in each cage and not one of them shouted "I'm yours. Take me!".

And then... 

I spotted a tiny black kitten I hadn't seen before. He was sticking his paws through the cage and squeaking very loudly. Funny thing was that he kept looking right at me. I went over and he seemed to get more excited. I asked if I could hold him and when the cage was opened this tiny kitten literally flew out into my hands. My heart was officially captured. I brought him up to my neck and he immediately started to "make biscuits" on my shoulder while licking my face and neck with a fury. I knew this kitty was mine. End of story. Nate tried to hold him, but the little guy kept trying to jump back over to me. N couldn't top laughing and went to sign the paperwork.

Hermes aka  Mees, Mees-Mees, Little Boy, Baby Boy, Puppy

Hermes sleeps with abandon...and kinda ends up looking like a dog on his back. His claws are sharp and most of the scratches we end up with are because of him. He loves to lick me whenever he gets the chance. It's very much like he's giving kisses rather than cleaning. So sweet! He plays with anything and everything and always kicks his "toys" under closed doors. He eats like a little pig. If there is cat food on the floor than it's Hermes. He can't seem to eat without making a huge mess! Catnip doesn't get him going, but treats are what he lives for. That stuff is like crack to him.

He gets very jealous when Thalia is near me. He will sit on the floor glaring at her and probably utters little kitty death threats to her in their native tongue. Unlike Thalia, he never bothers to jump up on the kitchen counters or bar top (thank god!). When he has something to say he'll say it loudly, but it's hard to take him seriously because he still sounds like a kitten. He loves getting his butt scratched, but if you try to scratch his tummy be prepared for claws digging into you. He has never hissed or yowled or made any mean cat sounds. I'm pretty sure he is incapable of being vocally ugly.

Hermes is seriously a curious cat. He will check out anything even if he is scared to death of it. People intimidate him and so usually he hides in our bedroom. Occasionally he'll come down when people are around and sniff the situation out...make a fast move though and he'll run away.

If Thalia is laying down in a certain spot and then moves, Hermes will immediately "claim" her spot. They occasionally will lay down together and sometimes will lick each other. Suspicion runs high with these two so any sweetness doesn't last long.  They definitely do not hate each other...they just know their own places...sometimes...haha. It's hilarious to watch them play together. They will run back and forth, hunt and pounce, and yes, whenever Hermes is winning Thalia will scream bloody murder. Once that happens they retreat with hurt feeling and angry looks.

He is the only cat we've had that LOVES his cat carrier. We had to take it out of the closet and place it in our loft with a comfy blanket because he was obsessed with sleeping in it. It is super cute. Occasionally we'll walk over to the carrier and tell him "Come on baby boy, go to bed" and he'll literally walk in and lay down. But that doesn't happen too often so we can't really brag about it. :-)

When we're taking a shower he has to be in the bathroom with us. It's so weird. Usually he just sits on the toilet or curls up in the linen closet, but sometimes he'll sit on the shower ledge and just stare at us. I know...he's a creeper! When he wants to look out the window he rarely just sits on the ledge. Most of the time he keeps his butt on the floor and then rests his arms leisurely on the ledge. I have no idea why he likes sitting like that, but I guess it must be comfortable!

He has an obsession with my pink razor. Once he jumped so high he was able to knock my razor off the towel hanger thingy in the shower. He then proceeded to not only cut his paw on it, but refused to let go of the razor. That cat has one tough grip! Poor baby...he got mad at us for his cut paw, but never realized that it was the razor that did it. Needless to say, we keep razors hidden from his view now. My little guy also loves dice. When N was playing D&D with the guys here Hermes would stare intensely at the dice waiting for someone to drop one on the floor so he could grab it and run away.


He is so animated and cuddly. And I'm so glad that he picked me that day! My baby boy is turning 2 years old today. I still think he's a kitty and not a growing cat. We'll be singing him happy birthday and buying him some treats tomorrow. And he'll even get to enjoy an expensive can of wet food. If I could put a tiny birthday hat on his tiny cat head than I would do it...but I won't... reluctantly.

A Look Before...

I knew from the start that I wanted N to see me before I walked down the aisle. I wanted a special moment before the ceremony where it was just the two of us. Some people thought it was silly or unnecessary. Others thought it was sweet. I never asked anyone if I should do it or not. It was important to me and that was all that mattered.

I had heard people say "the ceremony will be a blur" so I wanted to make sure that we had a moment to ourselves before everything. A chance to soak up the excitement and happiness. A chance to look into each other's eyes and steal a few more kisses before the blur started.

I even asked the photographer to grab a shot or two before she and my wedding planner hauled everyone away.

I remember standing there waiting for my soon to be husband. I was so giddy. When he rounded the corner I couldn't stop smiling. And the look on his face. Oh lord. So sweet, handsome, and mischievous. I remember him whispering some very naughty things for my ears only...hahaha.

I remember us smiling and saying "This is it!".

I'm so glad we had this moment. Because for the rest of the wedding we were surrounded by people. Not a moment alone until we drove away to our hotel that night. If I had waited until then...well...I would have missed out on one of the sweetest memories I had of that day.    

My Wedding Dress...

Wedding Dress Shopping...

I had looked forward to this day for years. I even had a binder filled with lots of dress ideas. 

Over the years my "dress" changed. I went from wanting a princess ballgown to a lacy Spanish flavor gown to an elegantly simple a-line dress. I even wanted a dress that resembled Jackie O's wedding dress. I have and always will be in love with that woman! :-) 

I wanted a wedding dress that captured my heart. A dress that would make me gasp and say "this is the one.". 

Nate and I were talking about rings in Fall '06. We knew that getting married was a reality for us. It was the road we were traveling on and boy were we happy and ready. 

I know most girls would wait till they had a ring on their fingers before doing any planning, but I'm not "any" girl. I had been dreaming of my wedding since a little girl. I had wedding magazines coming out of the wazoo, a binder overflowing with ideas, and dreams that wouldn't be stopped. And I loved that my boyfriend loved all that about me. He never squelched my dreams. He never told me to stop planning or dreaming. He allowed me to be me and he ENJOYED me in all my excitement. 

When I went with my maid-of-honor to go dress shopping I was so nervous. After years of thinking about a dress I really had no idea what I wanted. There were dresses everywhere! She and I grabbed a few and I started the process of trying on everything I could try on. It was awesome and such a workout getting in and out of those dresses! I definitely wasn't prepared for how much a wedding dress could weigh! 

And then I tried on strapless lacy dress. I hadn't really considered wearing a strapless dress, but I thought "why not?!" The dress was lace from top to bottom and a simple sash wrapped around it. I was speechless. I looked beautiful. Me! Beautiful never was a word I associated with myself and yet, standing in front of that mirror I saw a beautiful woman staring back at me. I wanted this dress. Looking back it's funny to realize that the dress was rather plain. There wasn't any bling or "oh snap" to the dress. It literally was a simple lace dress. But the way it made me feel was extraordinary.

Next I brought my mom around to see it. I wasn't sure what she thought of it at the time, but I appreciated that she was willing to let me pick my own dress regardless of what she may have wanted. We didn't buy the dress right away. My mom told me I should just look at another dress shop just to make sure and if I was still set on that one than we'd get it. The three of us went dress shopping and took pictures so I could see the dresses even after I left. Nothing even came close to touching the other dress so I was pretty damn certain this was what I was going with. 

At this point I had everything I thought I wanted. It was going to be a summer wedding, flowers would be bright and colorful, definitely outside, bright colors, and bridesmaids would be in blue. Anyone who has seen pictures of my wedding or attended it knows that this was not anything close to what the final result was. Well...except for the being married outside part...that stayed the same. 

Then something big changed. My dress. 

I remember sitting down with my mom and future mother-in-law for lunch to talk about the wedding. The day did not go anything like I had planned or wanted and resulted in a later conversation that left me sitting in an ocean of disappointment and hurt. I was about ready to give up what I wanted to make others happy when N told me "No. This is your wedding. You wear the dress that you want to wear. You are going to be beautiful in whatever you pick out." 

So I went out once again to look for my dress. This time I scheduled an appointment with a consultant. That day I tried on a crap load of dresses. Nothing was capturing my heart and the dress I had once wanted had lost it's shimmer. Then my consultant asked if she could bring a dress that she thought fit my personality. I said "Sure. Why not.". When I saw the dress I wasn't that taken with it. It wasn't what I had imagined at all. I got the dress on and stood in front of the big mirrors and tears sprung to my eyes. This...this dress...this dress was the one. 

So beautiful. So perfect. It was as if Cinderella's Fairy Godmother had dressed me herself. I twirled in my dress. I couldn't stop smiling and giggling. My consultant grabbed jewelry, a tiara, and the veil to show me what it would all look like. Breathtaking. 

My wedding changed after that. It became a sit down dinner, the bridesmaids wearing beautiful black gowns, the theme was black and white with hints of red, and my flowers went to classic calla lilies. There would be dancing and celebration and my cake would be white on the outside and chocolate inside and the groom's cake would be the opposite. It was a dream come true. 

N and I will be married for four years in 17 days. 

What got me thinking about my dress, other than my upcoming anniversary, was the show My Fair Wedding. I love how the host is all about showing his brides that they deserve and are worth a beautiful wedding. 

I was remembering how beautiful I felt in my dress. I remember how I felt when N saw me for the first time in my dress. I remember praying that I wouldn't trip on my dress when walking to the "altar". I remember waiting impatiently for my dress to be bustled. I remember dancing in that dress until my hair was falling down. I remember the strawberry colored stain on the top of my dress that was caused by??? I'm pretty sure it happened when we had to take pictures pretending to eat chocolate covered strawberries...well I pretended and N ate them. :-) 

I remember the beauty and the happiness when wearing my wedding dress. 

My mother-in-law asked me while she was having a hard time accepting that I was wearing a strapless dress to my wedding: "Why would you want to wear a dress you wouldn't wear any other day".

Because it's my fairy-tale day. Because this is the day I get to feel as beautiful as the dress I'm wearing. Because whether I look it or not I am a strapless dress wearing bride. Because this just isn't any other day. Because I rocked the heck out of that dress. Because my husband couldn't take his eyes off me when I wore that dress. Because I deserved to wear a dress that I picked out. Because I'm not any girl. Because dreams sometimes come in the shape of a strapless wedding dress. 

  

Universal Studios, The Wizarding World of Harry Potter and more!

We left this past week to head over to Universal Studios for our first vacation since our honeymoon four years ago. Needless to say, it was absolutely wonderful!! I could not have asked for a more perfect vacation than this one. And we are already thinking of where we want to go next year! So awesome! 

The Harry Potter area was so breathtaking. I seriously would have just stayed there for the rest of my life! Haha! And the Butterbeer!! Oh Baby Jesus, it was divine! I wish they would sell it outside of the parks because I would live off of it. :-) 

We spent the first two days of vacation at Universal Studios and then on Thursday & Friday we spent the time sightseeing and even went to play Mini Golf. 

The weather was beautiful all week. The only time it rained was Friday morning and then it stopped and the sun came out shining with force! 

Oh...there are so many stories bubbling in my head. I don't even know where to start! So I'll just leave this video of our adventure...

Universal Studios, The Wizarding World of Harry Potter and more! from Mal Arnold on Vimeo.

Today

Today I am sitting in more questions than I had yesterday...

Today my heart is fighting to not give in to the sadness that is lingering around the edges...

Today I am so excited about the vacation that is coming up in two days...

Today I am not overwhelmed by all that I need to get for our trip because we took care of it last night...

Today I am wondering why I asked all those questions yesterday...

Today I am glad my husband was there because if he wasn't I would have lost control of my emotions...

Today my heart feels the loss of that year so much more...

Today my voice feels small...quiet...

Today I am sitting in the realization that six years ago God began to whisper to my hurting heart "I Am. I Am listening."

Today I am trying to make a list entitled "Ten things I know to be true about myself" and I'm failing miserably at coming up with more than two things...

Today I am going to make sure I keep busy...

Today I am hurt and disappointed...

Today my tears still want to come out...but I keep trying hard to hold them back...

Today I am so thankful for my husband...and I'm thankful he took me on a surprise date last night...

Today......all I can do is be me.... and according to my husband "me" is pretty awesome...but it's kinda hard to believe that right now...

"If I should have a daughter, instead of Mom, she's gonna call me Point B. Because that way she knows that no matter what happens at least she can always find her way to me. And I'm going to paint the solar systems on the backs of her hands. So she has to learn the entire universe before she can say "Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.". 


And she's gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aides or poetry. So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn't coming I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself. Cuz no matter how wide you stretch your fingers your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me. I've tried.


 "And Baby," I'll tell her, "Don't keep your nose up in the air like that. I know that trick. I've done it a million times. You're just smelling for smoke. So you can follow the trail back to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him." But I know she will anyway. So instead I'll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby. Because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix. Okay there's a few heartbreaks chocolate can't fix, but that's what the rain boots are for. Because rain will wash away everything if you let it. 


I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat. To look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind because that's the way my mom taught me. That they'll be days like this. They'll be days like this my momma said. When you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises. When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you wanna save are the ones standing on your cape. When your boots will fill with rain, and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment and those are very days you have all the more reason to say "Thank you" cuz there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it's sent away. 


You will put the "win" in win some...lose some. You will put the "star" in starting over and over. And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life. And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting I am pretty damn naive. But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily, but don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it. 


"Baby," I'll tell her, "Remember your momma is a worrier and your papa is a warrior. And you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more." Remember that good things come in threes. And so do bad things. And always apologize when you've done something wrong, but don't you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining. Your voice is small, but don't ever stop singing. And when they finally hand you heartache. When they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.            


Written By: Sarah Kay