I had looked forward to this day for years. I even had a binder filled with lots of dress ideas.
Over the years my "dress" changed. I went from wanting a princess ballgown to a lacy Spanish flavor gown to an elegantly simple a-line dress. I even wanted a dress that resembled Jackie O's wedding dress. I have and always will be in love with that woman! :-)
I wanted a wedding dress that captured my heart. A dress that would make me gasp and say "this is the one.".
Nate and I were talking about rings in Fall '06. We knew that getting married was a reality for us. It was the road we were traveling on and boy were we happy and ready.
I know most girls would wait till they had a ring on their fingers before doing any planning, but I'm not "any" girl. I had been dreaming of my wedding since a little girl. I had wedding magazines coming out of the wazoo, a binder overflowing with ideas, and dreams that wouldn't be stopped. And I loved that my boyfriend loved all that about me. He never squelched my dreams. He never told me to stop planning or dreaming. He allowed me to be me and he ENJOYED me in all my excitement.
When I went with my maid-of-honor to go dress shopping I was so nervous. After years of thinking about a dress I really had no idea what I wanted. There were dresses everywhere! She and I grabbed a few and I started the process of trying on everything I could try on. It was awesome and such a workout getting in and out of those dresses! I definitely wasn't prepared for how much a wedding dress could weigh!
And then I tried on strapless lacy dress. I hadn't really considered wearing a strapless dress, but I thought "why not?!" The dress was lace from top to bottom and a simple sash wrapped around it. I was speechless. I looked beautiful. Me! Beautiful never was a word I associated with myself and yet, standing in front of that mirror I saw a beautiful woman staring back at me. I wanted this dress. Looking back it's funny to realize that the dress was rather plain. There wasn't any bling or "oh snap" to the dress. It literally was a simple lace dress. But the way it made me feel was extraordinary.
Next I brought my mom around to see it. I wasn't sure what she thought of it at the time, but I appreciated that she was willing to let me pick my own dress regardless of what she may have wanted. We didn't buy the dress right away. My mom told me I should just look at another dress shop just to make sure and if I was still set on that one than we'd get it. The three of us went dress shopping and took pictures so I could see the dresses even after I left. Nothing even came close to touching the other dress so I was pretty damn certain this was what I was going with.
At this point I had everything I thought I wanted. It was going to be a summer wedding, flowers would be bright and colorful, definitely outside, bright colors, and bridesmaids would be in blue. Anyone who has seen pictures of my wedding or attended it knows that this was not anything close to what the final result was. Well...except for the being married outside part...that stayed the same.
Then something big changed. My dress.
I remember sitting down with my mom and future mother-in-law for lunch to talk about the wedding. The day did not go anything like I had planned or wanted and resulted in a later conversation that left me sitting in an ocean of disappointment and hurt. I was about ready to give up what I wanted to make others happy when N told me "No. This is your wedding. You wear the dress that you want to wear. You are going to be beautiful in whatever you pick out."
So I went out once again to look for my dress. This time I scheduled an appointment with a consultant. That day I tried on a crap load of dresses. Nothing was capturing my heart and the dress I had once wanted had lost it's shimmer. Then my consultant asked if she could bring a dress that she thought fit my personality. I said "Sure. Why not.". When I saw the dress I wasn't that taken with it. It wasn't what I had imagined at all. I got the dress on and stood in front of the big mirrors and tears sprung to my eyes. This...this dress...this dress was the one.
So beautiful. So perfect. It was as if Cinderella's Fairy Godmother had dressed me herself. I twirled in my dress. I couldn't stop smiling and giggling. My consultant grabbed jewelry, a tiara, and the veil to show me what it would all look like. Breathtaking.
My wedding changed after that. It became a sit down dinner, the bridesmaids wearing beautiful black gowns, the theme was black and white with hints of red, and my flowers went to classic calla lilies. There would be dancing and celebration and my cake would be white on the outside and chocolate inside and the groom's cake would be the opposite. It was a dream come true.
N and I will be married for four years in 17 days.
What got me thinking about my dress, other than my upcoming anniversary, was the show My Fair Wedding. I love how the host is all about showing his brides that they deserve and are worth a beautiful wedding.
I was remembering how beautiful I felt in my dress. I remember how I felt when N saw me for the first time in my dress. I remember praying that I wouldn't trip on my dress when walking to the "altar". I remember waiting impatiently for my dress to be bustled. I remember dancing in that dress until my hair was falling down. I remember the strawberry colored stain on the top of my dress that was caused by??? I'm pretty sure it happened when we had to take pictures pretending to eat chocolate covered strawberries...well I pretended and N ate them. :-)
I remember the beauty and the happiness when wearing my wedding dress.
My mother-in-law asked me while she was having a hard time accepting that I was wearing a strapless dress to my wedding: "Why would you want to wear a dress you wouldn't wear any other day".
Because it's my fairy-tale day. Because this is the day I get to feel as beautiful as the dress I'm wearing. Because whether I look it or not I am a strapless dress wearing bride. Because this just isn't any other day. Because I rocked the heck out of that dress. Because my husband couldn't take his eyes off me when I wore that dress. Because I deserved to wear a dress that I picked out. Because I'm not any girl. Because dreams sometimes come in the shape of a strapless wedding dress.
