Mutant Worms...

Lately we have had an infestation of worms. Apparently they have decided that our apartment is better than the dirt outside. I hate these worms. They were not invited into my home. I did not tell them "Oh yes, of course I understand it's wormy time and you need a place to crash." No. They are uninvited and unwanted.

At the beginning I would freak out and my wonderful husband would come to my rescue. Now...now I'm just pissed off. I've started killing my own worms with a vengeance (haha this reminds me of another story, but that's for a later time). I have started to yell at these worms...I'm pretty darn sure they are telepathic so sooner or later my obscenity filled threats will reach their little ears...or minds...whatever. The moment I see them I give them their threat, squish them in toilet paper, and flush them down the toilet.

Today marked a new strategy for me. I saw one of these mutant worms slithering across my carpet. I like to think that it could see me and started to scream little wormy words of panic. I knew I didn't have time to run and get toilet paper and as they "crossed" me early in the morning (meaning 11am...don't judge.) I knew I had to take this little sucker out in a different way. Then my cruel little eyes spotted a pair of scissors. (Yeah...you know where this is going don't you...lol) I simply said "I told you not to come here. I told you." and snip...snip...snip...snip. I cut that worm into four pieces and left him/her there for as harsh reminder to the other worms of what their fate will be.

Right now there is a lonely worm on the wall. It's too high up for me to get it, but I'll wait. I'll wait for it to come just close enough...

I see you worm. I can see you high up on my wall. I'll get you and all your little worms too...

Random Thoughts...

Random Thought #1: I am starting to feel overwhelmed by all the packing I have to do in the next three weeks. All these boxes are piling up with crap that allegedly Nate and I have accumulated over of the past two years in this apartment. I seriously think that tiny, cute rodents have taken over and gathered all of this crap like a bunch of rabid hoarders. Then again, the tiny, cute, rabid hording rodents might just be us... damn.

RT #2: I have a hankering for cupcakes... Me want cupcakes!! If you randomly show up at my place (after 2pm preferably) (and like...text first to make sure I'm not running around naked with a mojito shaking my Puerto Rican booty to Ricky Martin while packing) (dude...I so had a crush on him back in the day...and even pretended I had a love child with him...the baby's name was Ricky Jr.) (omg....I am seriously not a freak.) Anywho, like I was saying before I went off on my bunny rabbit trails...if you brought me cupcakes or took me to go get cupcakes I would love you...forever...or maybe until I finished off the last cupcake. ;-) See...you can buy love. hah.

RT #3: I probably should be embarrassed for admitting to pretending to have a love-child with RM, but I'm not... I have embraced my freak flag tonight and it is flying!

RT#4: I finally started writing down my "rules". I've titled it "M's Book of Survival Rules: for almost anything that could ever happen according to M". So far I have 51 rules. It rocks. Maybe later I'll post some of these random fun filled rules down for your curious eyes.

RT#5: My husband is turning off the lights and mumbling... This is a signal that he is tired and it's bed time. I should go to bed...but then all my millions and millions of readers (hah!) would be wondering "what are the rest of her random thoughts?!". I know y'all are out there...quietly stalking my blog... I see you! Yeah, that's right...

RT#6: I probably should go to bed... my mind is a scary place right now. lol.

RT#7: Today my husband said I graduated to nerdhood because I want to find Captain Picard and pluck a few of his hairs and clone him. Then I can keep him in a stasis pod and let him out when it's time to go to bed and he can read me bedtime stories until I fall asleep. Apparently this is creepy...and nerdy.

RT#8: I was very disappointed with this last episode of Glee. It was a tribute to Lady Gaga... I was excited since I am fan of some of her songs. The costumes were good...the storyline predictable, but entertaining nonetheless. The music...omg. Ouch.
One: Lady Gaga's songs were made for her voice alone.
Two: Hearing Poker Face sung to slow kinda jazzy piano music was just plain torture. For the first time in my Glee history I had to skip a song...that's how bad I thought it was. Good voices...horrible rendition.

RT#9: I hate talking on the phone. I seem to say it a million and one times, but it's like no one ever hears me. So I'll say it again... I hate talking on the phone. Text me, message me, email me. But for all that is good and holy, stop expecting me to pick up that damn phone. I have no problem talking to people...I just don't like talking on the phone. For those who remember this rule and abide by it...I thank you...I love you...I treasure you....I would give you a cupcake, but I don't have any right now...sorry...

RT#10: Oh thank God, I have reached the tenth one and now I feel complete.

Dreamland here I come... :-)

It's Just Another Manic Mon --- Wtf?!

(dim lights...dark music)

(Captain Picard begins to speak)


Twilight...The dark new world. These are the vampires of angst and new-found humanity. Their mission: to explore pasty-white chalk, to seek out animals instead of yummy humans, to glitter like diamonds in a sun where no vampire has stood before.

The tale of forbidden love is timeless. The tale of a human girl and a vampire falling in love isn't as timeless...you can put a date on it. In fact you can date it to 1997. Please join me as we travel to Sunnydale located in California. Here we will find a pretty girl who finds out that she is more than ordinary. She is a slayer. And out of all of the pretty boys she could fall in love with she choose (dum dum dum) a vampire! Meet Buffy Summers and Angel.

We even have a rare event of a Vampire woman falling in love with a human. He doesn't stay human for very long, but that's a whole different story. Now we will travel to 2003 where Selene and Michael share a forbidden love that almost leads to their death, but love conquers all...especially when you are vampire and your lover is half vampire/half werewolf.





I could go on and on about vampire romances, but I think you get the point.
Forbidden vampire love is not anything new.

Vampire: A reanimated corpse that is believed to rise from the grave at night to suck the blood of sleeping people.

Vampires have to feed on humans. It makes them a vampire. There are only three vampires I know who had a serum to keep them from feeding...and even then they had to keep taking it or else they would revert. Meet: Vampirella, Blade, and Tesla.

Vampires do not glitter in the sun. There are some vampires who can stand in the sun (very rare of course), but they do not...i repeat...do not glitter in the freakin hot sun! Sun = bad.

Sun does not equal glitter.

Yes, Vampires can be beautiful and handsome. They can even have pale skin (you know...cuz of the whole sun thing). Sometimes vampires can even have an "ugly face". But vampires are always bad-ass. It's a requirement. They are mean, fast, and vicious. Not happy-go-lucky, or emo-ish. They are sneaky and cruel and soulless and just freakin wicked awesome!

Twilight has failed to deliver real vampires. Stephanie Myers has taken old stories and added some new stuff and delivered nice vampires that tweens will fall in love with. I'm all about introducing vampires to a younger crowd, but Really?? Really?? do we need to dumb them down to make them more family friendly. I'm sorry. Vampires are not family friendly and it's dishonoring their age-old legend by turning into something other than the living dead. Even Angel and Bill maintained their "I will kick your ass and suck you dry if you give me a chance" attitude while they play "nice" and tormented vampires. They are men...not boys. They were real vampires not Twilight wanna-be vampires.

Twilight...

WTF?!

Ghost Busters!

Who you gonna call??

Ghost Busters!!

I haven't seen any ghosts lately, but I know sure as heck I want Ghost Busters and Hunters and Slayers to come to my rescue when those ghosts attack. I'm sure it's been a while since your last ghost sighting, but what would you do if you saw one....say in a library?? Would you run and hide, or would you shoot it with rock salt? Well the people in the NYPL are about to be presented with a ghost situation and who do they call?? Actually they don't call anyone, but the looks on their faces are priceless.

Who You Gonna Call?

I don't know about you, but if that happened at my library or anywhere for that matter the headlines would be reading:

"23 year old woman died today from lack of oxygen due to a laughing fit. "

Quite honestly if I saw people covered in white cloth roaming a building I would panic. Hahah. Oh how I wish I could have been there! And I really, really wish that I could do something like this! Who's with me??!! :-) The world needs more random, belly aching laugh moments like this.

Back-Up Plans...

Do you have back-up plans?

I realize that this is the title of a Jennifer Lopez movie that I will watch whenever it hits DVD, but I'm in no way talking about it right now. :-)

Sooo....back to back-up plans.

Back-up Plan: held in reserve as a substitute if needed.

I have quirks. Well...they probably aren't quirks, but I like to refer to them as quirks. These quirks provide me with safety or at least the allusion of safety. I even have back-up quirks that are kinda like fail-safes and these provide me with more allusions of safety in case my other quirks fail. It's a complicted process for someone looking in to my weird little life. It's not complicated to me though. It's simple and well thought out.

But what do my back-up plans say to those around me? Do they tell the relationships I'm in that they aren't safe enough. They aren't trusted enough? Guilt begins to pour in when I think of this. Shame begins to knock on the plastic door to my tumultuous heart and asks to sit and taunt me for a while. My Logical side grabs some tea and lectures me about how I should get rid of my back-up plans cold turkey. "Rip off that fear band-aid.", Logic coldly says. The Dreamer in me just sits looking out a window thinking about what life would be like without back-up plans. But the voice I hear the clearest is the one in the corner. My Fearful side is huddled in a corner holding her knees to her chest. She whispers the words " please no"...sometimes repeating short panic-filled sentences over and over.

I'll give you an example I joke about with people. It's so much easier to self-deprecate myself about this when describing something that in my own opinion isn't so funny...but that's what people want-- a person to poke fun at so they're own silly quirks remain hidden. Anywho, when I take a shower I triple check the front door, I then "booby-trap" my bedroom door, lock all the bathroom doors and I have a weapon near the shower. I joke around that this is because I watched Psycho. You want to know the truth? I've been doing this way before watching a skittish woman get stabbed by a crazy-ass white man who wears his dead mother's clothes.
Now you are probably asking yourself "what the heck is she afraid of?". I'm afraid of many things. None of which I want to expose or explain on my blog at this moment.

My back-up plans keep me safe. I check things, and re-check things and triple check things. I have back-up plans for my back-up plans. And each one keeps me crippled to fears that I can name and fears that have no-names. I have so many b-p's that I couldn't even begin to write them all down. And I wouldn't because they are my quirks and only those who have been invited to know the darkest parts of me can be privy to that information.

I wonder what it will take to not have back-up plans? I wonder if I'll ever be brave enough. If I'll ever live the way that I write my comic book characters. I wonder if I'll ever live up to my new motto "Senza Paura. Senza Ritengo" (without fear. without restraint.)?

{oh and btw...this motto is owned by me. seriously. it's for a comic book i'm writing so if i see it anywhere without my permission. i'll hunt you down and show you my fearless, unrestrained side.}

I want those in relationship with me to know that they are safe...they are trusted. I want to be able to sleep, take a shower, walk into a room, etc without a tiresome, repetitive routine that makes my husband wonder if he alone is enough for me to feel safe. I long to just be free. But I'm not free. I'm nowhere near to being free of my quirks. I'm still in the corner with my knees buried in my chest.

Do you have back-up plans?

Pictures and Words...

::Today's post is filled with pictures...I hope you enjoy.
I sure had a lot fun taking these and playing around with them ::

quote by Karen Rae Roberts

quote by Adam Duritz

So I started a new random blog. Don't worry I'll still keep posting here!! This blog is just going to be about...uhh...I have no clue. I just got inspired to start it when I listed my employer on Facebook as "Athena, Aphrodite, Hera, & Artemis Inc" position: "Domestic Goddess". So my Muse blog will continue without interruption and my Domestic Goddess one will flow in and out. :-)

The link is:

Athena, Aphrodite, Hera, & Artemis Inc
"The True and Honest Confessions of a Domestic Goddess"

It's Just Another Manic Mon--- Wtf?!

Today has been filled with lots of laundry and ironing and so that didn't leave a lot of time for perusing the internetz for strange things to blog about. I did find a few things and after a process of elimination tonight's winner is:

1) I think it's safe to say that we all grew up with Disney. If you didn't...I'm sorry. You should dedicate a night to watching all (or almost all) of the Disney classics. My favorite Disney princess has always been Cinderella. There was just something about her tender, dreamy spirit that invited my little heart to dream with her. I remember swaying about and singing "A Dream is a Dream Your Heart Makes" or cleaning up while singing "Sing Sweet Nightingale" and even secretly hoping that someday I would have a cat like Lucifer (which ironically...I now do). Cinderella was always dreaming....just like me.

I've read several different versions of the Cinderella tale. I have even watched several different movies about her. But never, ever, ever have I seen this version of Cinderella.

Yes. Yes, you are seeing this correctly. Meet Cinderella and her Prince Turd. This movie stars a lovely, young girl who seems to have murdered her wicked step-sisters and Sleeping Beauty and combined their ball gowns for her own debut at the Royal Toilet Ball. Here she is met by Prince Turd (freshly laid of course) and together they sing around a toilet fountain and instead of leaving the glass slipper, Cinderella decides to when you gotta go you can leave rather large chocolate gifts for the world to see. Forget trying that one on for size. Who can blame her? She lead a shitty life back with her Evil Step-Mother and Sisters. If you live with shit then the only option is to take it to the ball. I really wish I could forget the above picture, but I can't...I just keep seeing smiling turds with small turdish feet.

Wtf?!

2) Well... After dancing turds the next place to go is to the marriage bed and flatulence. It's the logical progression people. :-) I can't even begin to write anything on this... Every time I try I just burst into laughter. Enjoy the video. Apparently The Better Marriage Blanket is a real product and a real ad.

Happy Manic Monday!

Second Best Cupcake. Ever.

So this weekend I decided to try a new cupcake recipe. These cupcakes were literally called the "Second Best Cupcake. Ever". How could I not make these? Actually I also have the recipe for the "Best Cupcake. Ever", but those required more time than I could dedicate to baking. Sooo....I made the second ones. :-) And...oh wow! They are AMAZING!!!!!! I can't wait to make the best ones...something tells me that those are going to be like eating angel babies bathed in cotton candy clouds. Don't judge. Use your own analogy if you can find a better one. :-)

These cupcakes are half brownie, half cupcake and then topped with chocolate icing. Yummy! If you want the recipe just let me know and I'll send it to you. Just make sure that you don't do what I did...which would be frosting the cupcakes the night before and then sticking them in the refrigerator. I was taking them to my in-laws and thought that would be easier...but it only served to dry out the brownie part. I kept a few at home and those I didn't frost (I frost 'em when I'm about to eat them) and just placed in a Tupperware container and OMG!! they are so soft and delicate and oooooooo! Lol. Seriously you have to try this recipe.

I'll let y'all know how the Best Cupcake. Ever comes out. Not sure when I'll make it, but I'll definitely blog about it. :-)