Goodbye 2010!! Hope you enjoy this little video! Happy New Year!!
::song is from Eisley <3 ::
Friday, December 31, 2010
It's the end of the year. Wow. I've been trying to think of something to blog lately, but the words just aren't coming. That's okay though... I'm sitting in my slightly messy living room typing right now... Fajitas are on the grill, the Christmas decorations are all put away, some of my Christmas presents are hanging on the walls and of course that means some slight redecorating is happening, my husband is laughing at the football game, and the cats have taken a short break in their play fighting...it's a nice relaxing evening in the Arnold house. :-)
I don't think I have any New Year's Resolutions. I tend to make them because it's a perfect guarantee that I won't do them. If anything I have some goals that I'll be working on. I'm hoping this year will be good for us. I'm full of hope and that's always a good thing to have on the last day of a year. :-)
I don't think I have any New Year's Resolutions. I tend to make them because it's a perfect guarantee that I won't do them. If anything I have some goals that I'll be working on. I'm hoping this year will be good for us. I'm full of hope and that's always a good thing to have on the last day of a year. :-)
Monday, December 13, 2010
Christmas Time!!
It's Christmas time!!
The tree and all the decorations are up...hot chocolate is my daily night-time drink...presents are already under the tree...there are still more presents to be bought...one kitty has already tried to get into her stocking...we've been to "Bethlehem" at Burnet and the Trail of Lights at Marble Falls...the Christmas movies (all VHS btw...well except for one...I'm old school haha) have been pulled out...we've hunted Christmas lights down, but sadly people don't seem too fond of lighting up their houses this year...we have our whole Christmas week planned out...sometime that week we'll be heading to the Riverwalk to freeze our butts off while looking at lights lol...there has been lots of snuggling under blankets...singing to Christmas music in the car...and lots of excitement about Santa coming (okay that last one is all me haha). I love Santa...nuff said.
I love Christmas time!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Waiting...
I've been thinking of something I could write about today. It seems that a common theme on the blogs I've been reading is about some form of waiting. I was looking through some pictures when I ran across this one. I thought it was a good visual of the stages we are in when we are waiting.
I see the first seal at the bottom as someone who has decided to risk getting out of their pool of "xyz". They are weary from fighting. Exhausted. Breathing is about all they can do right now. They are just now experiencing life outside of the pool. Their heart is full of questions...anger and fear and ambivalence are taking a seat at this new table. Raw is what feels the truest. Even places of numbness can still exist. Getting out of the pool was HUGE...but that's all they can muster. Hope? Hope is just feeling right now...its a mixture of fighting and resting. It's complicated.
The second seal has taken a big risk in getting up from the fear and exhaustion. Hope now looks like believing there is so much more. But it's something like looking around the corner. You're up...your feeling...your hopeful...but cautious. Is it worth it to walk up to the door. You've heard all the right answers to your heart's questions...maybe you know them inside&out, but can you believe them. Can you take them to the door and ask "Please? See me. Hear me. I'm ready. Please open this door." This seal is hopeful. But is waiting around the corner. Desiring to step out.
The third seal is risking everything. Standing at the door...hope in hands...asking loudly. Waiting for an answer. Waiting completely vulnerable...hiding behind nothing... It's hard to be there. It hurts like hell most of the time. You know someone is behind there...someone is listening. But you'll keep waiting. Hoping that door will open. Refusing to run behind the corner...refusing to give up and lay down...refusing to jump back into your pool because somehow you'll be covered and safe. You wait because there is something glorious in the pain and questions. There is something beautiful to be heard in your heart's cry.
I wonder where you're at today? Which seal are you? Are you just breathing? Peeking around the corner? Or standing at the door?
I've been to all these places...sometimes I do a little dance between standing at the door to running back behind the corner. Sometimes I just say "F*ck this. I'm too scared." And jump back into my pool. It's a process. A journey. A slow painful dance that teaches me that standing at the door is so worth it. If only I risk it all to wait.
I see the first seal at the bottom as someone who has decided to risk getting out of their pool of "xyz". They are weary from fighting. Exhausted. Breathing is about all they can do right now. They are just now experiencing life outside of the pool. Their heart is full of questions...anger and fear and ambivalence are taking a seat at this new table. Raw is what feels the truest. Even places of numbness can still exist. Getting out of the pool was HUGE...but that's all they can muster. Hope? Hope is just feeling right now...its a mixture of fighting and resting. It's complicated.
The second seal has taken a big risk in getting up from the fear and exhaustion. Hope now looks like believing there is so much more. But it's something like looking around the corner. You're up...your feeling...your hopeful...but cautious. Is it worth it to walk up to the door. You've heard all the right answers to your heart's questions...maybe you know them inside&out, but can you believe them. Can you take them to the door and ask "Please? See me. Hear me. I'm ready. Please open this door." This seal is hopeful. But is waiting around the corner. Desiring to step out.
The third seal is risking everything. Standing at the door...hope in hands...asking loudly. Waiting for an answer. Waiting completely vulnerable...hiding behind nothing... It's hard to be there. It hurts like hell most of the time. You know someone is behind there...someone is listening. But you'll keep waiting. Hoping that door will open. Refusing to run behind the corner...refusing to give up and lay down...refusing to jump back into your pool because somehow you'll be covered and safe. You wait because there is something glorious in the pain and questions. There is something beautiful to be heard in your heart's cry.
I wonder where you're at today? Which seal are you? Are you just breathing? Peeking around the corner? Or standing at the door?
I've been to all these places...sometimes I do a little dance between standing at the door to running back behind the corner. Sometimes I just say "F*ck this. I'm too scared." And jump back into my pool. It's a process. A journey. A slow painful dance that teaches me that standing at the door is so worth it. If only I risk it all to wait.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Things I love...
I love celebrating my husband's birthday and making him feel special. I have made a commitment to never let Thanksgiving overshadow or blend with his birthday. They are separate events and my husband deserves his very own day.
Thanksgiving isn't my favorite holiday, but I love cooking and sharing what I've made with others. I love getting dressed up and donning on some cute boots. I love being surrounded in a warm house with laughter and games. I missed holding babies and running around with my nephews and nieces this year, but I can look forward to the next holiday to get all that in.
I love leaving the Thanksgiving festivities in the cold and screaming because the trees look like people and the flag furiously blowing in the wind sounds like someone is running up behind you.
I love getting an hour of sleep before we bundle up and wait outside at 3am in front of Target just so we can get some good deals. I love being pressed up against my husband while he creates a slanket cocoon around us to protect us from the cold. I love hearing him laugh as we each have an earbud in our ears playing Dane Cook. I love the excitement that passes through everyone like electricity when the doors open. I love standing in line with very cheap movies, tv shows, presents, and a pillow. I love hopping from store to store in our pjs, going home with our loot, eating a quick breakfast and then climbing into bed exhausted, but very happy.
I love pulling out the tree decorations. I love shooing the kitties away while we decorate. I love plugging in the lights and curling up on the couch with hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls.
I love taking family pictures by the tree. I love sitting in my mother-in-law's kitchen eating tamales, shrimp, chips & queso, greek little snacky things and meatballs. I love staring at my sister-in-laws ceiling trying to find pictures of myself. It's a lot like looking at a "Where's Waldo" book!
I love Christmas shopping online for my husband. I love that his Christmas list only consists of four things because he "couldn't think of anything else". I love finding him lots of fun presents...most of which he didn't ask for.
I love that my Christmas party schedule is filling up. I love that I'm planning one for the first time. I love how Christmas is coming up very fast.
Well...I think that's enough "love" for now... :-)
Thanksgiving isn't my favorite holiday, but I love cooking and sharing what I've made with others. I love getting dressed up and donning on some cute boots. I love being surrounded in a warm house with laughter and games. I missed holding babies and running around with my nephews and nieces this year, but I can look forward to the next holiday to get all that in.
I love leaving the Thanksgiving festivities in the cold and screaming because the trees look like people and the flag furiously blowing in the wind sounds like someone is running up behind you.
I love getting an hour of sleep before we bundle up and wait outside at 3am in front of Target just so we can get some good deals. I love being pressed up against my husband while he creates a slanket cocoon around us to protect us from the cold. I love hearing him laugh as we each have an earbud in our ears playing Dane Cook. I love the excitement that passes through everyone like electricity when the doors open. I love standing in line with very cheap movies, tv shows, presents, and a pillow. I love hopping from store to store in our pjs, going home with our loot, eating a quick breakfast and then climbing into bed exhausted, but very happy.
I love pulling out the tree decorations. I love shooing the kitties away while we decorate. I love plugging in the lights and curling up on the couch with hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls.
I love taking family pictures by the tree. I love sitting in my mother-in-law's kitchen eating tamales, shrimp, chips & queso, greek little snacky things and meatballs. I love staring at my sister-in-laws ceiling trying to find pictures of myself. It's a lot like looking at a "Where's Waldo" book!
I love Christmas shopping online for my husband. I love that his Christmas list only consists of four things because he "couldn't think of anything else". I love finding him lots of fun presents...most of which he didn't ask for.
I love that my Christmas party schedule is filling up. I love that I'm planning one for the first time. I love how Christmas is coming up very fast.
Well...I think that's enough "love" for now... :-)
Monday, November 8, 2010
Gifted
Gifted :
1. Endowed with great natural ability, intelligence, or talent
2. Revealing special talent
1. Endowed with great natural ability, intelligence, or talent
2. Revealing special talent
3. Having or showing natural talent or aptitude
Have you ever been told that you are really good at something? That you have a knack or a gift for something? Have you ever felt that feeling that "yes, I'm good at this"?
As a little girl I always had dreams of what I wanted to be good at. I had these big plans for what I wanted to do and how awesome I would be at it. I can look back and laugh at most of those things because I know, I never in a million years, would ever be good at some of those things. I wanted to be an actress. Haha. I can't even stand being in a crowed room without trying to glue myself to the wall. I wanted to be an awesome Medical Examiner. *snorts of laughter erupts* I know...I know... :-)
I was in tap for a while. I can remember liking that a lot, but I seriously can't remember if I was good or not. I wanted to be the next Ginger Rogers though. It feels weird to say that...I don't know many kids my age who would even know who Ginger Rogers was. I did though. I used to stand in front of the TV and pretend I was tapping along with Fred Astaire. I'm sure it was quite a sight. That's what happens when you're an only child. You grow up watching the Black&White movies and dance along with them as if reality stopped and their world grabbed you by the hand and let you join in their contagious happiness. God, I love those old movies. I could go on and on about them, but I suppose I should try to keep my ADD in check right now. :-)
After tap ended for me it was on to piano. There I would stay for a long time. Almost fourteen years. I love listening to piano music. It's another invitation for my imagination to disappear in a world of tearful crescendos and trills that ripple across your soul. And to be honest I enjoyed playing. Piano was more of a hobby for me. I didn't love it and I never wanted to be a concert pianist. I just wanted to sit down and play...for me. Unfortunately that was something I would be rarely allowed to do. My folks loved the idea of me playing. They could see me being the great pianist. They decided this would be the career choice for me.
They even thought singing would be a greater addition to add on. I took singing lessons for a bit (I hated them!) and then was tossed into my first singing recital. Almost every recital I had ever had I would be so nervous my hands would sweat so much I needed paper towels to dry them off. This was even worse. Add sweaty palms, a racing heart, a crowd of people, and a girl who hated singing. I missed my first queue to start...a little bump I suppose...and then belted out a shortened version of "The Water Is Wide". My face was so hot I think you could have roasted a marshmallow on it. I stared at the clock the whole time while singing, bowed after it was done, then walked fast off the stage. I still had a piano piece to perform so I couldn't join the crowd so I walked in the bathroom, and made sure I was alone before collapsing into tears. I was so angry and humiliated. And to top it off the boy I had a crush on had witnessed my humiliating performance and had offered me a very pitying look as I rushed past him to the bathroom. I never took singing lessons after that. Thank God.
Anywho. Piano. My parents always said I was so gifted at it. This was what God wanted me to do. I hated hearing that. I knew what gifted was and I wasn't it. Sure...I could play the piano. A lot of people want to, but it's not that hard to learn. It takes time and the ability to read and count. That's all. Trust me. I know this people. I ended up teaching piano for six freaking years.
I once practiced for five hours straight in one day on top of the many hours that week just for a piano mid-term. I didn't get up...I didn't goof around...I just played over and over and over again. You know what my grade was? A "C". I was constantly told that I wasn't at the level I should be at. That I'd have to work harder. My life consisted of waking up, going to all my classes, eating, homework, practicing, bedtime. And yet, I wasn't good enough. I was even told by one of my piano teachers I was handicapped because of my small hands. Pieces of music were always being altered to fit my small hands. Musicians have long fingers....I have the hand size of a 10year old. At each turn in college I was reminded of what gifted was...and I wasn't it.
I kept trying to fit into a "gift" that wasn't mine. I tried...so hard...but piano wasn't my gift. It was my hobby. I'd have to wait a year after I got married to finally step out of the confines of what others thought I was good at. It would take almost two years after that to sit down and play again. Now I'm sitting here, 24 years old, and wondering what my thing is. What is my gift? What am I good at?
I don't know. I just don't know...
Is it a foolish fantasy to want to be good at something? To find what I not only love to do, but something I'm good at too? I don't want to be like one of those people on American Idol that think they are great at singing, but really are so horrible and get laughed at when they turn around. I feel like at 24, I should have some clue about what I'm good at. Something that I can look at with pride. Sometimes I feel like I've found it, but doubt creeps in and my "not good enough" lies start whispering in my ears and I begin to wonder if what I think is good maybe isn't so good.
I was never great at piano or soccer or softball or horseback riding...the list goes on... Why can't I find my niche? Have I already found it? Am I just too afraid of failure to realize I've found it? Or am I still looking? Too many questions...time to give it a break... maybe I'll bake a pie...or cupcakes...or just sit... I don't know...
Monday, October 25, 2010
So Far This Month I've...
made a cute centerpiece basket for my new sister-in-law's baby shower!
made a Haunted House with my hubby! 
carved my first pumpkin with my hubby! I love how even after 3 years we still have "our firsts"!
had to take a second glance to see that it wasn't real!
turned into a zombie!
fallen in love with an old school horsie that I couldn't ride because I was too big...
And have just had a lot of fun...
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
My Jeans & A Joke
I feel like I need to post something random right now... Got a lot on my mind so I just need to set it aside and be a little silly...
I have a pair of jeans that I love. And when I say love...I mean LOVE. I've never had a pair like this before and haven't been able to find another pair like it that fits so perfectly. They are my holey jeans.
My holey jeans are super comfortable. I can't stop wearing them. I have about six other jeans that I rarely wear because these jeans are so perfect. They are me. Holey and comfortable. Fun and relaxing.
I should clarify some things tho...
1) Yes, I do have money to buy jeans without holes in them.
2) I did not wear these jeans as a child and never got a chance to buy another pair. I know I'm short people but sheesh! I've grown since I was a kid...an inch and a half is still an inch and half ya know!
3) As cool as it sounds a rabid band of small monkeys did not attack my legs while I was wearing these jeans.
4)I did not fall into acid.
5)I wasn't rock climbing.
6) My cats did not decide to use my jeans as a scratching post.
7)Omg! I have holes in my jeans?! How did I ever miss that??
Hmm...these are all the ones I can think of right now. Silly people! I bought my precious holey fun loving jeans like this! You're just jealous that the wind doesn't kiss your legs while you walk! Hahaha!
________________________________________________
We went to dinner with my in-laws couple weeks back and they started telling jokes when this one came up:
(or at least I think that's how it goes...)
Everyone was laughing...except me... I totally didn't get it! They tried to explain it...still wasn't clicking in my head and then I was like "Waaaait...is this like a gay joke?"
You should have heard the laughter that erupted from that table. Apparently it's just that one man walks into a literal metal bar of sorts and the other one ducks so he won't hit it. I still don't know how that's funny...
I have a pair of jeans that I love. And when I say love...I mean LOVE. I've never had a pair like this before and haven't been able to find another pair like it that fits so perfectly. They are my holey jeans.
My holey jeans are super comfortable. I can't stop wearing them. I have about six other jeans that I rarely wear because these jeans are so perfect. They are me. Holey and comfortable. Fun and relaxing.
I should clarify some things tho...
1) Yes, I do have money to buy jeans without holes in them.
2) I did not wear these jeans as a child and never got a chance to buy another pair. I know I'm short people but sheesh! I've grown since I was a kid...an inch and a half is still an inch and half ya know!
3) As cool as it sounds a rabid band of small monkeys did not attack my legs while I was wearing these jeans.
4)I did not fall into acid.
5)I wasn't rock climbing.
6) My cats did not decide to use my jeans as a scratching post.
7)Omg! I have holes in my jeans?! How did I ever miss that??
Hmm...these are all the ones I can think of right now. Silly people! I bought my precious holey fun loving jeans like this! You're just jealous that the wind doesn't kiss your legs while you walk! Hahaha!
________________________________________________
We went to dinner with my in-laws couple weeks back and they started telling jokes when this one came up:
Two men walk into a bar and one ducks.
(or at least I think that's how it goes...)
Everyone was laughing...except me... I totally didn't get it! They tried to explain it...still wasn't clicking in my head and then I was like "Waaaait...is this like a gay joke?"
You should have heard the laughter that erupted from that table. Apparently it's just that one man walks into a literal metal bar of sorts and the other one ducks so he won't hit it. I still don't know how that's funny...
Monday, September 27, 2010
Another One...
I officially have four tattoos now. I love each one because they represent a different part of who I am. One represents my freedom, two represent my playful and geeky self, and the fourth is a reminder of a painful time and the redeeming promises I felt that were made to me.
I went about two (?) weeks ago to watch a friend get a tattoo and then decided I would join in too! I can't help it! I love tattoos! I went with "Isaiah 54" written on the inside of my wrist.
About five years ago I read that chapter and I just felt like God was speaking to every broken part of me. My story would remain hidden until the love of my life came along and a very special lady who sat in front of me and walked with me in places I'd never let anyone in before.
I felt with each word I had read that there were promises for me...hope...and a God I'd never seen, heard, or experienced before.
It's been a shitty year. And for the past two months I finally feel like I'm back...I'm breathing again. It's not been easy to stay here, but I'm fighting like hell.
I stood at the front desk filling out the paper work (and really do I need to sign a paper that confirms that i know tattoos are permanent haha) and I'm wondering what I should do. I finally decided on my promise chapter. It felt right. It felt like a constant reminder of where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going. I love just looking at it. I love how all my tattoos are special to me. They are me.
But.... I'm finding myself becoming very contemptful (is that even a word??) of something that keeps happening more and more. It hasn't happened with everyone, but there have been a good handful of people who see my tattoos and automatically ask "Have your parents seen them?" "What did your parents say?"
Every time I hear these questions now, I bite back what may be a potentially rude comment to the person asking and I smile, shrug my shoulders, and say "I don't know. They haven't said anything."
You see a year ago I got my first tattoo. I found out that day how my father felt. I'm not going into any details here. My mother has chosen to remain silent. Whether or not she cares I have no idea. I haven't asked. I do wonder what they think, but I don't need their approval. If they choose to at least be curious about this then great...I'd love to sit down with them and share my heart. If not...then I can honestly be fine and sit with that.
It irks me now, when someone asks that. I am my own person. I make my own decisions. I'm Mal Arnold. I'm funky, quirky, playful, and imaginative. My tattoos are about me. Ask about me. I guess I'd just like for people to see my tattoos and ask me what it means...ask me about what I think... not about what other people think. People who aren't me. I'm not really sure how to express this...or how it's sounding right now. Apart of me just really wants to delete this and stay quiet. I've always just wanted people to know me. Know my heart...know the real me. I can make that hard for a lot of people, but that doesn't mean I don't desire it. I just want people to see me...experience me...play with me... It feels hard to say that it hurts, but it does hurt when I hear questions like that. I feel like once again I'm fifteen with no voice...invisible and unknown.
I'm proud of me. There is a lot of work to be done...but I see me...finally! And I may not always like me, but I love who I'm becoming. I don't need people's approval of me. That's not what I want here. I just want to be seen. To be heard.
Ask me about me. The road to getting to know me may not always be easy...but I promise it'll be worth it. That sounds rather narcissistic to say...but I do know those words to be true.
I went about two (?) weeks ago to watch a friend get a tattoo and then decided I would join in too! I can't help it! I love tattoos! I went with "Isaiah 54" written on the inside of my wrist.
About five years ago I read that chapter and I just felt like God was speaking to every broken part of me. My story would remain hidden until the love of my life came along and a very special lady who sat in front of me and walked with me in places I'd never let anyone in before.
I felt with each word I had read that there were promises for me...hope...and a God I'd never seen, heard, or experienced before.
It's been a shitty year. And for the past two months I finally feel like I'm back...I'm breathing again. It's not been easy to stay here, but I'm fighting like hell.
I stood at the front desk filling out the paper work (and really do I need to sign a paper that confirms that i know tattoos are permanent haha) and I'm wondering what I should do. I finally decided on my promise chapter. It felt right. It felt like a constant reminder of where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going. I love just looking at it. I love how all my tattoos are special to me. They are me.
But.... I'm finding myself becoming very contemptful (is that even a word??) of something that keeps happening more and more. It hasn't happened with everyone, but there have been a good handful of people who see my tattoos and automatically ask "Have your parents seen them?" "What did your parents say?"
Every time I hear these questions now, I bite back what may be a potentially rude comment to the person asking and I smile, shrug my shoulders, and say "I don't know. They haven't said anything."
You see a year ago I got my first tattoo. I found out that day how my father felt. I'm not going into any details here. My mother has chosen to remain silent. Whether or not she cares I have no idea. I haven't asked. I do wonder what they think, but I don't need their approval. If they choose to at least be curious about this then great...I'd love to sit down with them and share my heart. If not...then I can honestly be fine and sit with that.
It irks me now, when someone asks that. I am my own person. I make my own decisions. I'm Mal Arnold. I'm funky, quirky, playful, and imaginative. My tattoos are about me. Ask about me. I guess I'd just like for people to see my tattoos and ask me what it means...ask me about what I think... not about what other people think. People who aren't me. I'm not really sure how to express this...or how it's sounding right now. Apart of me just really wants to delete this and stay quiet. I've always just wanted people to know me. Know my heart...know the real me. I can make that hard for a lot of people, but that doesn't mean I don't desire it. I just want people to see me...experience me...play with me... It feels hard to say that it hurts, but it does hurt when I hear questions like that. I feel like once again I'm fifteen with no voice...invisible and unknown.
I'm proud of me. There is a lot of work to be done...but I see me...finally! And I may not always like me, but I love who I'm becoming. I don't need people's approval of me. That's not what I want here. I just want to be seen. To be heard.
Ask me about me. The road to getting to know me may not always be easy...but I promise it'll be worth it. That sounds rather narcissistic to say...but I do know those words to be true.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
So I thought this weekend would be quiet. It has had it's moments of quietness, but very few and far between. I've been "enjoying" a full blown weekend of pmsing! Yay! I seriously blame Adam for this. Damn him for not saying
Hahah yeeeeeah. I think I should leave our future kids theology lessons to Nate. :-D
Anywho, even tho my emotions have been on a rollercoaster...I've had some fabulous moments with my hubby. Most of these moments wouldn't be funny or interesting to anyone other than us, but I guess that's what make them so special. :-)
If you're wondering if this post has a point or is going somewhere then stop wondering. It isn't. :-) You're reading the "Ramblings of a Confused Muse" remember?
I've been working on a possible Halloween Party for this year. It's been major fun and I hope people will come and have fun with us! I'll be sending out invites sometimes in October.
Omg! It's almost Christmas!!!! Yaaaaaaaay! (wow! this post is really HAPPY! don't worry i'm not smoking or drinking anything...it's called "the positive side of pms".) I ordered our Christmas Cards from Shutterfly today. They sent me a deal for free cards and I grabbed that shit up! Christmas is freakin AMAZING (that is really honestly how i feel even without the pms haha) and free Christmas cards is even more amazing.
Well my "high" is coming down... Maybe sometime later I post something that isn't so rambly.
hahahah omg. I don't know why I think that that is hilarious, but I do. I love that my hubby is just as cheesy as me. :-D
"Woman! Put that damn apple down! Didn't you hear what the Lord just freaking said?"
"Augh. Adam. You are so right. What the hell was I thinking. It just looked so shiny! And pretty!"
"I know. You couldn't help it. Now how bout we go frolic with the deers and get our funk on with this new wine I just discovered? I'm calling 'Adam' by Adam."
"Uh. Okay. Whatev."
"Augh. Adam. You are so right. What the hell was I thinking. It just looked so shiny! And pretty!"
"I know. You couldn't help it. Now how bout we go frolic with the deers and get our funk on with this new wine I just discovered? I'm calling 'Adam' by Adam."
"Uh. Okay. Whatev."
Hahah yeeeeeah. I think I should leave our future kids theology lessons to Nate. :-D
Anywho, even tho my emotions have been on a rollercoaster...I've had some fabulous moments with my hubby. Most of these moments wouldn't be funny or interesting to anyone other than us, but I guess that's what make them so special. :-)
If you're wondering if this post has a point or is going somewhere then stop wondering. It isn't. :-) You're reading the "Ramblings of a Confused Muse" remember?
I've been working on a possible Halloween Party for this year. It's been major fun and I hope people will come and have fun with us! I'll be sending out invites sometimes in October.
Omg! It's almost Christmas!!!! Yaaaaaaaay! (wow! this post is really HAPPY! don't worry i'm not smoking or drinking anything...it's called "the positive side of pms".) I ordered our Christmas Cards from Shutterfly today. They sent me a deal for free cards and I grabbed that shit up! Christmas is freakin AMAZING (that is really honestly how i feel even without the pms haha) and free Christmas cards is even more amazing.
Well my "high" is coming down... Maybe sometime later I post something that isn't so rambly.
Me: "You married a very cheesy wife"
Nate: "Really?!"
Me: "Yes!"
Nate: "You're Mac and Cheesy"
Nate: "Really?!"
Me: "Yes!"
Nate: "You're Mac and Cheesy"
hahahah omg. I don't know why I think that that is hilarious, but I do. I love that my hubby is just as cheesy as me. :-D
Saturday, September 4, 2010
I've finished another post on my baking blog (go check it out if you haven't!) while my hubby is playing Halo on his Xbox360. I keep making fun on him because when we went to buy the Xbox he swore up and down he would never be a Haloite (or whatever they call themselves lol). I didn't care if he was or wasn't, but I was like "umm okay love". He still maintains that he isn't a Halo person even though he's playing a Halo game at this second, and is planning on pre-ordering the newest Halo game coming out. Denial. Okay I think I've said Halo way too much and now I'm going to move on. Haha.
I'm looking forward to going shopping this Monday!! I am going to tear those stores up...or at least I'm hoping I will. I haven't gone real crazy shopping in foooorever. I've bought things here and there, but I've always had a budget to worry about. I still have a budget to worry about....well...except that I don't....lol...I'm using birthday money so it totally doesn't count. :-)
In other random news from this confuse muse, I just joined Twitter! I thought this event would never, ever, ever occur. I did Myspace for awhile and then I realized how ghetto it was and left. I joined Facebook and like it, but I've felt that a lot of my statuses just couldn't be posted. So finally today I decided to join Twitter so I could post all I want about my randomness and my cupcakes. I feel less "watched" there so we'll see what happens... :-)
Okay so since this is an incredibly random post I'll just add that I am so proud of a certain purchase I got this week! I was at Hallmark with Nate and I was roaming around (btw they have their Halloween stuff out! Yay!!! I freakin love Halloween!) when I spotted their clearance section. I saw some cute things, but nothing I really needed when all of a sudden I saw a Willow Tree Figurine. I didn't get my hopes up though. I realize that sometimes stupid people take things to places where they don't belong because they are too effing lazy to walk five steps over to the correct place (wow...no contempt there...). I picked her up and my heart soared. My little figurine used to be around 30bucks and she was on sale for $8. Wow! I quickly scanned for any cracks or other blemishes...nothing at all! She was perfect and I was filled with joy...which is ironic because she is the Joy figurine. Hah. Happy day!
I need to start up my Manic Wtf Monday posts again, but I've had so much fun posting about cupcakes that I've neglected this blog somewhat...oh well... :-D I will try to be better!
I'm looking forward to going shopping this Monday!! I am going to tear those stores up...or at least I'm hoping I will. I haven't gone real crazy shopping in foooorever. I've bought things here and there, but I've always had a budget to worry about. I still have a budget to worry about....well...except that I don't....lol...I'm using birthday money so it totally doesn't count. :-)
In other random news from this confuse muse, I just joined Twitter! I thought this event would never, ever, ever occur. I did Myspace for awhile and then I realized how ghetto it was and left. I joined Facebook and like it, but I've felt that a lot of my statuses just couldn't be posted. So finally today I decided to join Twitter so I could post all I want about my randomness and my cupcakes. I feel less "watched" there so we'll see what happens... :-)
Okay so since this is an incredibly random post I'll just add that I am so proud of a certain purchase I got this week! I was at Hallmark with Nate and I was roaming around (btw they have their Halloween stuff out! Yay!!! I freakin love Halloween!) when I spotted their clearance section. I saw some cute things, but nothing I really needed when all of a sudden I saw a Willow Tree Figurine. I didn't get my hopes up though. I realize that sometimes stupid people take things to places where they don't belong because they are too effing lazy to walk five steps over to the correct place (wow...no contempt there...). I picked her up and my heart soared. My little figurine used to be around 30bucks and she was on sale for $8. Wow! I quickly scanned for any cracks or other blemishes...nothing at all! She was perfect and I was filled with joy...which is ironic because she is the Joy figurine. Hah. Happy day!
I need to start up my Manic Wtf Monday posts again, but I've had so much fun posting about cupcakes that I've neglected this blog somewhat...oh well... :-D I will try to be better!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
I'm Back Baby!
Oh wow! It feels like forever since I blogged! I'm sitting here listening to mah music and eatin mah gummie bears (Thank you Anna!!!!) and watching Syfy (darn them for not having an original movie on).
So I'm going to be 24 next week and this year has been interesting for me.
So far...
2) Thalia fell from our loft (she didn't realize that there wasn't anything to stop her from falling off the ledge).
3) Thalia is still recovering from getting in a fight with Hermes. He won by pulling off a piece of her skin. She is now wearing a "cone of shame" (if you haven't seen Up you need to...)
So I'm going to be 24 next week and this year has been interesting for me.
So far...
- I've been in GG for 2 years... It's definitely felt like longer haha.
- I become addicted to Trolli Gummie Bears
- Had breakfast with this freakin amazing girl one morning and discovered I had found my best friend
- I was a superhero for Halloween
- I got a three tattoos
- We got a Playstation2 and then months later traded it in for an Xbox
- My husband's job was on the rocks, then he quit, we were jobless and scared, and then he got a job at an incredible company.
- We moved out of our small apartment and into an awesome townhouse (and it has a backyard!!).
- My husband and I have laughed over many things, had some fierce times, shed many tears and wept together, grown closer and more in love.
- Had three cat accidents:
2) Thalia fell from our loft (she didn't realize that there wasn't anything to stop her from falling off the ledge).
3) Thalia is still recovering from getting in a fight with Hermes. He won by pulling off a piece of her skin. She is now wearing a "cone of shame" (if you haven't seen Up you need to...)
- My sister-in-law Liz and her best friend came over and transformed my hair from black to red. It's awesome having a different color and my virgin hair did great!
- I begrudgingly watched Eclipse. Ew.
- I have a dream about something I would love to have happen... So I'm gonna keep plugging away and see what happens...
- My comic book collection has grown by leaps and bounds and will continue to keep growing
- My heart is starting to feel tender again...I feel like I can start breathing...I'm trying to not live small...it's hard and scary as shit, but I'm a fighter.
I could go on, but I feel like sitting in what I've written...there are memories rushing around me and it feels kinder to sit with them and just remember...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
wishes...
there's a lot on my mind still so I'm just going to post some pictures and mull over my thoughts...
I could really use a wish right now...
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
We're moving this weekend and I'm a mess. I would love nothing more than to snap my fingers and have this weekend be over and be comfortably settled into my new home. My head is hurting from so many thoughts and emotions rushing in and out. I would like to slip into oblivion right now. I keep floating between excitement about moving, feeling overwhelmed with all this shit that I keep boxing and boxing, wishing that I could sleep and yet, sleep keeps evading me, feeling alone and forgotten, struggling not to eat my stress...on and on...
I have felt a lot like this piggie lately...
I probably won't have internet for awhile so it'll prolly be quiet around here...
See y'all soon...
I have felt a lot like this piggie lately...
I probably won't have internet for awhile so it'll prolly be quiet around here...
See y'all soon...
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
3 Years...
We knew each other for 8 years.
Pre-dated for 3 months.
Dated for 1 year.
Engaged for 6 months.
Married for 3 years.
There are so many stories and adventures to be told...
One thing is for certain I can't imagine life without him...
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate
(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
ee cummings
Now, Always, and Forever.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
4 things I wanted to blog about...
So I couldn't figure out what I wanted to blog about today. So today's post is just some things I was trying to blog about and then couldn't think of anything else to go with it...fail. Haha.
1) I was walking over to the apartment office to pay the rent and listening to my ipod when I suddenly wanted an entourage of people behind me dancing to Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl . I seriously think that if I had a few drinks in me then I would have just done it by myself, but I didn't so I just pretended to dance around all ghetto while singing "Let me hear you say this shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!". I wonder if I ever did all my crazy things in real, real life if the magical reality show people would give me my own reality show.
(fyi, real real life is real life outside my house...i really do dance around "ghetto" in my house so therefore it doesn't count and it's not real, real life.)
2) My hubs and I were being real romantic (wink wink) and he totally ruined it with this conversation:
Nate: You're my angel
Me: You're my hero
(pause)
Nate: Hah. That's two of your shows that got canceled.
Me: Wha- Really?! Thanks, now I'm depressed!
Sigh. I get very close and involved with my favorite shows. I watch them over and over again. I cry at all the same emotional spots and laugh at all the same funny moments. I love my favorite characters with a passion and bitch at the others who fail to meet my expectations. Now I wasn't a huge fan of the show Angel, but I am a HUGE fan of Buffy and so therefore I love Angel. Heroes...sigh. I can't even began to tell you how happy this show made me. I literally cried when I heard that they were canceling the show. Rude. So if you like either show please join me in a moment of silence as we reminisce on their awesomeness... and if you don't know about them or don't care...well...skip the moment of silence.
3) I was watching Wipeout and one of the girls shouted out "I don't need to go to the zoo! My man is a beast!". I'm not really sure if she was meaning that as a compliment, but I'm gonna use it as one. My man is a beast...a sexy beast! I really should include a picture where he is looking all suave and Blue Steel (I heart Zoolander!!!), but I think that this shows how much fun we have together and I still think he's a sexy beast. Whoop-whoop! :-D
4) I think I am almost done refining my "celebration ink". I thought I had it figured out and then my tattoo guy pretty much told me that what I wanted I didn't really want. sigh. I hate when they are right. So I hit the drawing board again and now have three things I want and need quotes for... Actually it's only two things, but one of the them is a two-fold thing so that makes three things. Wow! Can you freakin believe how specific I am??!! Hahaha. Hopefully in the next week or two I will talk to him, figure out which one I'm gonna get, and schedule an appointment. Yes. I know. I don't have to schedule an appointment for a tattoo, but I'm very orderly (or weird whatever) like that. ;-P
1) I was walking over to the apartment office to pay the rent and listening to my ipod when I suddenly wanted an entourage of people behind me dancing to Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl . I seriously think that if I had a few drinks in me then I would have just done it by myself, but I didn't so I just pretended to dance around all ghetto while singing "Let me hear you say this shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!". I wonder if I ever did all my crazy things in real, real life if the magical reality show people would give me my own reality show.
(fyi, real real life is real life outside my house...i really do dance around "ghetto" in my house so therefore it doesn't count and it's not real, real life.)
2) My hubs and I were being real romantic (wink wink) and he totally ruined it with this conversation:
Nate: You're my angel
Me: You're my hero
(pause)
Nate: Hah. That's two of your shows that got canceled.
Me: Wha- Really?! Thanks, now I'm depressed!
Sigh. I get very close and involved with my favorite shows. I watch them over and over again. I cry at all the same emotional spots and laugh at all the same funny moments. I love my favorite characters with a passion and bitch at the others who fail to meet my expectations. Now I wasn't a huge fan of the show Angel, but I am a HUGE fan of Buffy and so therefore I love Angel. Heroes...sigh. I can't even began to tell you how happy this show made me. I literally cried when I heard that they were canceling the show. Rude. So if you like either show please join me in a moment of silence as we reminisce on their awesomeness... and if you don't know about them or don't care...well...skip the moment of silence.
3) I was watching Wipeout and one of the girls shouted out "I don't need to go to the zoo! My man is a beast!". I'm not really sure if she was meaning that as a compliment, but I'm gonna use it as one. My man is a beast...a sexy beast! I really should include a picture where he is looking all suave and Blue Steel (I heart Zoolander!!!), but I think that this shows how much fun we have together and I still think he's a sexy beast. Whoop-whoop! :-D
4) I think I am almost done refining my "celebration ink". I thought I had it figured out and then my tattoo guy pretty much told me that what I wanted I didn't really want. sigh. I hate when they are right. So I hit the drawing board again and now have three things I want and need quotes for... Actually it's only two things, but one of the them is a two-fold thing so that makes three things. Wow! Can you freakin believe how specific I am??!! Hahaha. Hopefully in the next week or two I will talk to him, figure out which one I'm gonna get, and schedule an appointment. Yes. I know. I don't have to schedule an appointment for a tattoo, but I'm very orderly (or weird whatever) like that. ;-P
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Cupcakes!!
Well I got my cupcakes! Thank you Anna! :-) They were delicious and Nate and I enjoyed every single one of them. There were several times during this happy event that this one girl kept yelling "STOP EATING MY CUPCAKES!!" and this one boy kept laughing and running away with a precious cupcake in his mouth yelling "I'M NOT!!". Strange people.
I am happy to report that this possessive cupcake girl got the last cupcake!
Fyi, cupcakes and chocolate milk are a good combination.
And no, I usually do not document myself eating things. That would make me weird. ;-P But I felt that this was an appropriate time to look weird while eating cupcakes and then show the world. Hah.
I am happy to report that this possessive cupcake girl got the last cupcake!
Fyi, cupcakes and chocolate milk are a good combination.
And no, I usually do not document myself eating things. That would make me weird. ;-P But I felt that this was an appropriate time to look weird while eating cupcakes and then show the world. Hah.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Mutant Worms...
Lately we have had an infestation of worms. Apparently they have decided that our apartment is better than the dirt outside. I hate these worms. They were not invited into my home. I did not tell them "Oh yes, of course I understand it's wormy time and you need a place to crash." No. They are uninvited and unwanted.
At the beginning I would freak out and my wonderful husband would come to my rescue. Now...now I'm just pissed off. I've started killing my own worms with a vengeance (haha this reminds me of another story, but that's for a later time). I have started to yell at these worms...I'm pretty darn sure they are telepathic so sooner or later my obscenity filled threats will reach their little ears...or minds...whatever. The moment I see them I give them their threat, squish them in toilet paper, and flush them down the toilet.
Today marked a new strategy for me. I saw one of these mutant worms slithering across my carpet. I like to think that it could see me and started to scream little wormy words of panic. I knew I didn't have time to run and get toilet paper and as they "crossed" me early in the morning (meaning 11am...don't judge.) I knew I had to take this little sucker out in a different way. Then my cruel little eyes spotted a pair of scissors. (Yeah...you know where this is going don't you...lol) I simply said "I told you not to come here. I told you." and snip...snip...snip...snip. I cut that worm into four pieces and left him/her there for as harsh reminder to the other worms of what their fate will be.
Right now there is a lonely worm on the wall. It's too high up for me to get it, but I'll wait. I'll wait for it to come just close enough...
I see you worm. I can see you high up on my wall. I'll get you and all your little worms too...
At the beginning I would freak out and my wonderful husband would come to my rescue. Now...now I'm just pissed off. I've started killing my own worms with a vengeance (haha this reminds me of another story, but that's for a later time). I have started to yell at these worms...I'm pretty darn sure they are telepathic so sooner or later my obscenity filled threats will reach their little ears...or minds...whatever. The moment I see them I give them their threat, squish them in toilet paper, and flush them down the toilet.
Today marked a new strategy for me. I saw one of these mutant worms slithering across my carpet. I like to think that it could see me and started to scream little wormy words of panic. I knew I didn't have time to run and get toilet paper and as they "crossed" me early in the morning (meaning 11am...don't judge.) I knew I had to take this little sucker out in a different way. Then my cruel little eyes spotted a pair of scissors. (Yeah...you know where this is going don't you...lol) I simply said "I told you not to come here. I told you." and snip...snip...snip...snip. I cut that worm into four pieces and left him/her there for as harsh reminder to the other worms of what their fate will be.
Right now there is a lonely worm on the wall. It's too high up for me to get it, but I'll wait. I'll wait for it to come just close enough...
I see you worm. I can see you high up on my wall. I'll get you and all your little worms too...
Random Thoughts...
Random Thought #1: I am starting to feel overwhelmed by all the packing I have to do in the next three weeks. All these boxes are piling up with crap that allegedly Nate and I have accumulated over of the past two years in this apartment. I seriously think that tiny, cute rodents have taken over and gathered all of this crap like a bunch of rabid hoarders. Then again, the tiny, cute, rabid hording rodents might just be us... damn.
RT #2: I have a hankering for cupcakes... Me want cupcakes!! If you randomly show up at my place (after 2pm preferably) (and like...text first to make sure I'm not running around naked with a mojito shaking my Puerto Rican booty to Ricky Martin while packing) (dude...I so had a crush on him back in the day...and even pretended I had a love child with him...the baby's name was Ricky Jr.) (omg....I am seriously not a freak.) Anywho, like I was saying before I went off on my bunny rabbit trails...if you brought me cupcakes or took me to go get cupcakes I would love you...forever...or maybe until I finished off the last cupcake. ;-) See...you can buy love. hah.
RT #3: I probably should be embarrassed for admitting to pretending to have a love-child with RM, but I'm not... I have embraced my freak flag tonight and it is flying!
RT#4: I finally started writing down my "rules". I've titled it "M's Book of Survival Rules: for almost anything that could ever happen according to M". So far I have 51 rules. It rocks. Maybe later I'll post some of these random fun filled rules down for your curious eyes.
RT#5: My husband is turning off the lights and mumbling... This is a signal that he is tired and it's bed time. I should go to bed...but then all my millions and millions of readers (hah!) would be wondering "what are the rest of her random thoughts?!". I know y'all are out there...quietly stalking my blog... I see you! Yeah, that's right...
RT#6: I probably should go to bed... my mind is a scary place right now. lol.
RT#7: Today my husband said I graduated to nerdhood because I want to find Captain Picard and pluck a few of his hairs and clone him. Then I can keep him in a stasis pod and let him out when it's time to go to bed and he can read me bedtime stories until I fall asleep. Apparently this is creepy...and nerdy.
RT#8: I was very disappointed with this last episode of Glee. It was a tribute to Lady Gaga... I was excited since I am fan of some of her songs. The costumes were good...the storyline predictable, but entertaining nonetheless. The music...omg. Ouch.
One: Lady Gaga's songs were made for her voice alone.
Two: Hearing Poker Face sung to slow kinda jazzy piano music was just plain torture. For the first time in my Glee history I had to skip a song...that's how bad I thought it was. Good voices...horrible rendition.
RT#9: I hate talking on the phone. I seem to say it a million and one times, but it's like no one ever hears me. So I'll say it again... I hate talking on the phone. Text me, message me, email me. But for all that is good and holy, stop expecting me to pick up that damn phone. I have no problem talking to people...I just don't like talking on the phone. For those who remember this rule and abide by it...I thank you...I love you...I treasure you....I would give you a cupcake, but I don't have any right now...sorry...
RT#10: Oh thank God, I have reached the tenth one and now I feel complete.
RT #2: I have a hankering for cupcakes... Me want cupcakes!! If you randomly show up at my place (after 2pm preferably) (and like...text first to make sure I'm not running around naked with a mojito shaking my Puerto Rican booty to Ricky Martin while packing) (dude...I so had a crush on him back in the day...and even pretended I had a love child with him...the baby's name was Ricky Jr.) (omg....I am seriously not a freak.) Anywho, like I was saying before I went off on my bunny rabbit trails...if you brought me cupcakes or took me to go get cupcakes I would love you...forever...or maybe until I finished off the last cupcake. ;-) See...you can buy love. hah.
RT #3: I probably should be embarrassed for admitting to pretending to have a love-child with RM, but I'm not... I have embraced my freak flag tonight and it is flying!
RT#4: I finally started writing down my "rules". I've titled it "M's Book of Survival Rules: for almost anything that could ever happen according to M". So far I have 51 rules. It rocks. Maybe later I'll post some of these random fun filled rules down for your curious eyes.
RT#5: My husband is turning off the lights and mumbling... This is a signal that he is tired and it's bed time. I should go to bed...but then all my millions and millions of readers (hah!) would be wondering "what are the rest of her random thoughts?!". I know y'all are out there...quietly stalking my blog... I see you! Yeah, that's right...
RT#6: I probably should go to bed... my mind is a scary place right now. lol.
RT#7: Today my husband said I graduated to nerdhood because I want to find Captain Picard and pluck a few of his hairs and clone him. Then I can keep him in a stasis pod and let him out when it's time to go to bed and he can read me bedtime stories until I fall asleep. Apparently this is creepy...and nerdy.
RT#8: I was very disappointed with this last episode of Glee. It was a tribute to Lady Gaga... I was excited since I am fan of some of her songs. The costumes were good...the storyline predictable, but entertaining nonetheless. The music...omg. Ouch.
One: Lady Gaga's songs were made for her voice alone.
Two: Hearing Poker Face sung to slow kinda jazzy piano music was just plain torture. For the first time in my Glee history I had to skip a song...that's how bad I thought it was. Good voices...horrible rendition.
RT#9: I hate talking on the phone. I seem to say it a million and one times, but it's like no one ever hears me. So I'll say it again... I hate talking on the phone. Text me, message me, email me. But for all that is good and holy, stop expecting me to pick up that damn phone. I have no problem talking to people...I just don't like talking on the phone. For those who remember this rule and abide by it...I thank you...I love you...I treasure you....I would give you a cupcake, but I don't have any right now...sorry...
RT#10: Oh thank God, I have reached the tenth one and now I feel complete.
Dreamland here I come... :-)
Monday, May 24, 2010
It's Just Another Manic Mon --- Wtf?!
(Captain Picard begins to speak)
Twilight...The dark new
The tale of forbidden love is timeless. The tale of a human girl and a vampire falling in love isn't as timeless...you can put a date on it. In fact you can date it to 1997. Please join me as we travel to Sunnydale located in California. Here we will find a pretty girl who finds out that she is more than ordinary. She is a slayer. And out of all of the pretty boys she could fall in love with she choose (dum dum dum) a vampire! Meet Buffy Summers and Angel.
We even have a rare event of a Vampire woman falling in love with a human. He doesn't stay human for very long, but that's a whole different story. Now we will travel to 2003 where Selene and Michael share a forbidden love that almost leads to their death, but love conquers all...especially when you are vampire and your lover is half vampire/half werewolf.
I could go on and on about vampire romances, but I think you get the point.
Forbidden vampire love is not anything new.
Vampire: A reanimated corpse that is believed to rise from the grave at night to suck the blood of sleeping people.
Vampires have to feed on humans. It makes them a vampire. There are only three vampires I know who had a serum to keep them from feeding...and even then they had to keep taking it or else they would revert. Meet: Vampirella, Blade, and Tesla.
Vampires have to feed on humans. It makes them a vampire. There are only three vampires I know who had a serum to keep them from feeding...and even then they had to keep taking it or else they would revert. Meet: Vampirella, Blade, and Tesla.
Vampires do not glitter in the sun. There are some vampires who can stand in the sun (very rare of course), but they do not...i repeat...do not glitter in the freakin hot sun! Sun = bad.
Sun does not equal glitter.
Sun does not equal glitter.
Yes, Vampires can be beautiful and handsome. They can even have pale skin (you know...cuz of the whole sun thing). Sometimes vampires can even have an "ugly face". But vampires are always bad-ass. It's a requirement. They are mean, fast, and vicious. Not happy-go-lucky, or emo-ish. They are sneaky and cruel and soulless and just freakin wicked awesome!
Twilight has failed to deliver real vampires. Stephanie Myers has taken old stories and added some new stuff and delivered nice vampires that tweens will fall in love with. I'm all about introducing vampires to a younger crowd, but Really?? Really?? do we need to dumb them down to make them more family friendly. I'm sorry. Vampires are not family friendly and it's dishonoring their age-old legend by turning into something other than the living dead. Even Angel and Bill maintained their "I will kick your ass and suck you dry if you give me a chance" attitude while they play "nice" and tormented vampires. They are men...not boys. They were real vampires not Twilight wanna-be vampires.
Twilight...
Twilight has failed to deliver real vampires. Stephanie Myers has taken old stories and added some new stuff and delivered nice vampires that tweens will fall in love with. I'm all about introducing vampires to a younger crowd, but Really?? Really?? do we need to dumb them down to make them more family friendly. I'm sorry. Vampires are not family friendly and it's dishonoring their age-old legend by turning into something other than the living dead. Even Angel and Bill maintained their "I will kick your ass and suck you dry if you give me a chance" attitude while they play "nice" and tormented vampires. They are men...not boys. They were real vampires not Twilight wanna-be vampires.
Twilight...
WTF?!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Ghost Busters!
Who you gonna call??
Ghost Busters!!
Ghost Busters!!
I haven't seen any ghosts lately, but I know sure as heck I want Ghost Busters and Hunters and Slayers to come to my rescue when those ghosts attack. I'm sure it's been a while since your last ghost sighting, but what would you do if you saw one....say in a library?? Would you run and hide, or would you shoot it with rock salt? Well the people in the NYPL are about to be presented with a ghost situation and who do they call?? Actually they don't call anyone, but the looks on their faces are priceless.
I don't know about you, but if that happened at my library or anywhere for that matter the headlines would be reading:
"23 year old woman died today from lack of oxygen due to a laughing fit. "
Quite honestly if I saw people covered in white cloth roaming a building I would panic. Hahah. Oh how I wish I could have been there! And I really, really wish that I could do something like this! Who's with me??!! :-) The world needs more random, belly aching laugh moments like this.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Back-Up Plans...
Do you have back-up plans?
I realize that this is the title of a Jennifer Lopez movie that I will watch whenever it hits DVD, but I'm in no way talking about it right now. :-)
Sooo....back to back-up plans.
Back-up Plan: held in reserve as a substitute if needed.
I have quirks. Well...they probably aren't quirks, but I like to refer to them as quirks. These quirks provide me with safety or at least the allusion of safety. I even have back-up quirks that are kinda like fail-safes and these provide me with more allusions of safety in case my other quirks fail. It's a complicted process for someone looking in to my weird little life. It's not complicated to me though. It's simple and well thought out.
But what do my back-up plans say to those around me? Do they tell the relationships I'm in that they aren't safe enough. They aren't trusted enough? Guilt begins to pour in when I think of this. Shame begins to knock on the plastic door to my tumultuous heart and asks to sit and taunt me for a while. My Logical side grabs some tea and lectures me about how I should get rid of my back-up plans cold turkey. "Rip off that fear band-aid.", Logic coldly says. The Dreamer in me just sits looking out a window thinking about what life would be like without back-up plans. But the voice I hear the clearest is the one in the corner. My Fearful side is huddled in a corner holding her knees to her chest. She whispers the words " please no"...sometimes repeating short panic-filled sentences over and over.
I'll give you an example I joke about with people. It's so much easier to self-deprecate myself about this when describing something that in my own opinion isn't so funny...but that's what people want-- a person to poke fun at so they're own silly quirks remain hidden. Anywho, when I take a shower I triple check the front door, I then "booby-trap" my bedroom door, lock all the bathroom doors and I have a weapon near the shower. I joke around that this is because I watched Psycho. You want to know the truth? I've been doing this way before watching a skittish woman get stabbed by a crazy-ass white man who wears his dead mother's clothes.
Now you are probably asking yourself "what the heck is she afraid of?". I'm afraid of many things. None of which I want to expose or explain on my blog at this moment.
My back-up plans keep me safe. I check things, and re-check things and triple check things. I have back-up plans for my back-up plans. And each one keeps me crippled to fears that I can name and fears that have no-names. I have so many b-p's that I couldn't even begin to write them all down. And I wouldn't because they are my quirks and only those who have been invited to know the darkest parts of me can be privy to that information.
I wonder what it will take to not have back-up plans? I wonder if I'll ever be brave enough. If I'll ever live the way that I write my comic book characters. I wonder if I'll ever live up to my new motto "Senza Paura. Senza Ritengo" (without fear. without restraint.)?
{oh and btw...this motto is owned by me. seriously. it's for a comic book i'm writing so if i see it anywhere without my permission. i'll hunt you down and show you my fearless, unrestrained side.}
I want those in relationship with me to know that they are safe...they are trusted. I want to be able to sleep, take a shower, walk into a room, etc without a tiresome, repetitive routine that makes my husband wonder if he alone is enough for me to feel safe. I long to just be free. But I'm not free. I'm nowhere near to being free of my quirks. I'm still in the corner with my knees buried in my chest.
Do you have back-up plans?
I realize that this is the title of a Jennifer Lopez movie that I will watch whenever it hits DVD, but I'm in no way talking about it right now. :-)
Sooo....back to back-up plans.
Back-up Plan: held in reserve as a substitute if needed.
I have quirks. Well...they probably aren't quirks, but I like to refer to them as quirks. These quirks provide me with safety or at least the allusion of safety. I even have back-up quirks that are kinda like fail-safes and these provide me with more allusions of safety in case my other quirks fail. It's a complicted process for someone looking in to my weird little life. It's not complicated to me though. It's simple and well thought out.
But what do my back-up plans say to those around me? Do they tell the relationships I'm in that they aren't safe enough. They aren't trusted enough? Guilt begins to pour in when I think of this. Shame begins to knock on the plastic door to my tumultuous heart and asks to sit and taunt me for a while. My Logical side grabs some tea and lectures me about how I should get rid of my back-up plans cold turkey. "Rip off that fear band-aid.", Logic coldly says. The Dreamer in me just sits looking out a window thinking about what life would be like without back-up plans. But the voice I hear the clearest is the one in the corner. My Fearful side is huddled in a corner holding her knees to her chest. She whispers the words " please no"...sometimes repeating short panic-filled sentences over and over.
I'll give you an example I joke about with people. It's so much easier to self-deprecate myself about this when describing something that in my own opinion isn't so funny...but that's what people want-- a person to poke fun at so they're own silly quirks remain hidden. Anywho, when I take a shower I triple check the front door, I then "booby-trap" my bedroom door, lock all the bathroom doors and I have a weapon near the shower. I joke around that this is because I watched Psycho. You want to know the truth? I've been doing this way before watching a skittish woman get stabbed by a crazy-ass white man who wears his dead mother's clothes.
Now you are probably asking yourself "what the heck is she afraid of?". I'm afraid of many things. None of which I want to expose or explain on my blog at this moment.
My back-up plans keep me safe. I check things, and re-check things and triple check things. I have back-up plans for my back-up plans. And each one keeps me crippled to fears that I can name and fears that have no-names. I have so many b-p's that I couldn't even begin to write them all down. And I wouldn't because they are my quirks and only those who have been invited to know the darkest parts of me can be privy to that information.
I wonder what it will take to not have back-up plans? I wonder if I'll ever be brave enough. If I'll ever live the way that I write my comic book characters. I wonder if I'll ever live up to my new motto "Senza Paura. Senza Ritengo" (without fear. without restraint.)?
{oh and btw...this motto is owned by me. seriously. it's for a comic book i'm writing so if i see it anywhere without my permission. i'll hunt you down and show you my fearless, unrestrained side.}
I want those in relationship with me to know that they are safe...they are trusted. I want to be able to sleep, take a shower, walk into a room, etc without a tiresome, repetitive routine that makes my husband wonder if he alone is enough for me to feel safe. I long to just be free. But I'm not free. I'm nowhere near to being free of my quirks. I'm still in the corner with my knees buried in my chest.
Do you have back-up plans?
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Pictures and Words...
::Today's post is filled with pictures...I hope you enjoy.
I sure had a lot fun taking these and playing around with them ::
I sure had a lot fun taking these and playing around with them ::
quote by Karen Rae Roberts
quote by Adam Duritz
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
So I started a new random blog. Don't worry I'll still keep posting here!! This blog is just going to be about...uhh...I have no clue. I just got inspired to start it when I listed my employer on Facebook as "Athena, Aphrodite, Hera, & Artemis Inc" position: "Domestic Goddess". So my Muse blog will continue without interruption and my Domestic Goddess one will flow in and out. :-)
The link is:
The link is:
Monday, May 3, 2010
It's Just Another Manic Mon--- Wtf?!
Today has been filled with lots of laundry and ironing and so that didn't leave a lot of time for perusing the internetz for strange things to blog about. I did find a few things and after a process of elimination tonight's winner is:
1) I think it's safe to say that we all grew up with Disney. If you didn't...I'm sorry. You should dedicate a night to watching all (or almost all) of the Disney classics. My favorite Disney princess has always been Cinderella. There was just something about her tender, dreamy spirit that invited my little heart to dream with her. I remember swaying about and singing "A Dream is a Dream Your Heart Makes" or cleaning up while singing "Sing Sweet Nightingale" and even secretly hoping that someday I would have a cat like Lucifer (which ironically...I now do). Cinderella was always dreaming....just like me.
I've read several different versions of the Cinderella tale. I have even watched several different movies about her. But never, ever, ever have I seen this version of Cinderella.
Yes. Yes, you are seeing this correctly. Meet Cinderella and her Prince Turd. This movie stars a lovely, young girl who seems to have murdered her wicked step-sisters and Sleeping Beauty and combined their ball gowns for her own debut at the Royal Toilet Ball. Here she is met by Prince Turd (freshly laid of course) and together they sing around a toilet fountain and instead of leaving the glass slipper, Cinderella decides to when you gotta go you can leave rather large chocolate gifts for the world to see. Forget trying that one on for size. Who can blame her? She lead a shitty life back with her Evil Step-Mother and Sisters. If you live with shit then the only option is to take it to the ball. I really wish I could forget the above picture, but I can't...I just keep seeing smiling turds with small turdish feet.
Wtf?!
2) Well... After dancing turds the next place to go is to the marriage bed and flatulence. It's the logical progression people. :-) I can't even begin to write anything on this... Every time I try I just burst into laughter. Enjoy the video. Apparently The Better Marriage Blanket is a real product and a real ad.
1) I think it's safe to say that we all grew up with Disney. If you didn't...I'm sorry. You should dedicate a night to watching all (or almost all) of the Disney classics. My favorite Disney princess has always been Cinderella. There was just something about her tender, dreamy spirit that invited my little heart to dream with her. I remember swaying about and singing "A Dream is a Dream Your Heart Makes" or cleaning up while singing "Sing Sweet Nightingale" and even secretly hoping that someday I would have a cat like Lucifer (which ironically...I now do). Cinderella was always dreaming....just like me.
I've read several different versions of the Cinderella tale. I have even watched several different movies about her. But never, ever, ever have I seen this version of Cinderella.
Yes. Yes, you are seeing this correctly. Meet Cinderella and her Prince Turd. This movie stars a lovely, young girl who seems to have murdered her wicked step-sisters and Sleeping Beauty and combined their ball gowns for her own debut at the Royal Toilet Ball. Here she is met by Prince Turd (freshly laid of course) and together they sing around a toilet fountain and instead of leaving the glass slipper, Cinderella decides to when you gotta go you can leave rather large chocolate gifts for the world to see. Forget trying that one on for size. Who can blame her? She lead a shitty life back with her Evil Step-Mother and Sisters. If you live with shit then the only option is to take it to the ball. I really wish I could forget the above picture, but I can't...I just keep seeing smiling turds with small turdish feet.
Wtf?!
2) Well... After dancing turds the next place to go is to the marriage bed and flatulence. It's the logical progression people. :-) I can't even begin to write anything on this... Every time I try I just burst into laughter. Enjoy the video. Apparently The Better Marriage Blanket is a real product and a real ad.
Happy Manic Monday!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Second Best Cupcake. Ever.
So this weekend I decided to try a new cupcake recipe. These cupcakes were literally called the "Second Best Cupcake. Ever". How could I not make these? Actually I also have the recipe for the "Best Cupcake. Ever", but those required more time than I could dedicate to baking. Sooo....I made the second ones. :-) And...oh wow! They are AMAZING!!!!!! I can't wait to make the best ones...something tells me that those are going to be like eating angel babies bathed in cotton candy clouds. Don't judge. Use your own analogy if you can find a better one. :-)
These cupcakes are half brownie, half cupcake and then topped with chocolate icing. Yummy! If you want the recipe just let me know and I'll send it to you. Just make sure that you don't do what I did...which would be frosting the cupcakes the night before and then sticking them in the refrigerator. I was taking them to my in-laws and thought that would be easier...but it only served to dry out the brownie part. I kept a few at home and those I didn't frost (I frost 'em when I'm about to eat them) and just placed in a Tupperware container and OMG!! they are so soft and delicate and oooooooo! Lol. Seriously you have to try this recipe.
I'll let y'all know how the Best Cupcake. Ever comes out. Not sure when I'll make it, but I'll definitely blog about it. :-)
These cupcakes are half brownie, half cupcake and then topped with chocolate icing. Yummy! If you want the recipe just let me know and I'll send it to you. Just make sure that you don't do what I did...which would be frosting the cupcakes the night before and then sticking them in the refrigerator. I was taking them to my in-laws and thought that would be easier...but it only served to dry out the brownie part. I kept a few at home and those I didn't frost (I frost 'em when I'm about to eat them) and just placed in a Tupperware container and OMG!! they are so soft and delicate and oooooooo! Lol. Seriously you have to try this recipe.
I'll let y'all know how the Best Cupcake. Ever comes out. Not sure when I'll make it, but I'll definitely blog about it. :-)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Jesus Salt...
So I've been cleaning out the cabinets to our bathroom. Oh yay! I don't have a lot of boxes to start packing everything up so I've decided to clean out and organize everything so when the boxes come I can just pack up my neat organized piles.
Lurking in the back of the bottom cabinet there sat a tiny plastic bottle thingy. It was bought out of sheer desire to shut up the salesman and well...it made my hands smooth. Can you guess? It's that Premier Dead Sea Salt stuff. Yes, sadly I am one of those pathetic Dead Sea Salt owners. I hang my head in shame.
This conversation was a result of my husband noticing this evil purchase...
N: Oh, come on, time to use the sea salt!
M: No! hahaha!
N (in a super religious/annoying voice): This is Dead Sea Salt, Jesus walked on this salt. This is Jesus salt. Make sure you wash with it well, Jesus probably saw this very salt, and you don't want to waste it. This salt is very special, it will make your hands feel better because Jesus walked on it. It's Jesus salt.
M: Omg! Hahahahahahaha!
My husband is one hilarious man! Oh, and yes, we have very smooth hands... Hooray for Jesus Salt and a husband that will never let me forget this purchase. :-D
Lurking in the back of the bottom cabinet there sat a tiny plastic bottle thingy. It was bought out of sheer desire to shut up the salesman and well...it made my hands smooth. Can you guess? It's that Premier Dead Sea Salt stuff. Yes, sadly I am one of those pathetic Dead Sea Salt owners. I hang my head in shame.
This conversation was a result of my husband noticing this evil purchase...
N: Oh, come on, time to use the sea salt!
M: No! hahaha!
N (in a super religious/annoying voice): This is Dead Sea Salt, Jesus walked on this salt. This is Jesus salt. Make sure you wash with it well, Jesus probably saw this very salt, and you don't want to waste it. This salt is very special, it will make your hands feel better because Jesus walked on it. It's Jesus salt.
M: Omg! Hahahahahahaha!
My husband is one hilarious man! Oh, and yes, we have very smooth hands... Hooray for Jesus Salt and a husband that will never let me forget this purchase. :-D
Monday, April 19, 2010
It's Just Another Manic Mon--- Wtf?!
::So I decided that I should add something a little different to my blog. Mondays are tiresome enough so I thought I would try to spice it up with random things I've found. The title that I will be using each Monday is a combination of one of my favorite songs, "Manic Monday" by The Bangles, and one of my favorite sayings, "wtf!". :-D Hope you enjoy! ::
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's your child's birthday and you are wondering how to surprise your special bundle of lamb joy. Should you buy an inflatable castle, a petting zoo, or do the usual take fifteen tiny teacup humans to infiltrate an already over-populated tiny teacup human playhouse? No. Your child doesn't need any of that. Your child needs something that no other child has ever been surprised with! Guess...go ahead! In your wildest dreams, I'm pretty sure you'd never see this one coming. Well...unless you really hated your pesky little one.
Ladies and Gentlemen...May I introduce you to the new hit sensation:
" Evil Clown, Dominic Deville"!
You may hire Dominic Deville to stalk your child for a week. He will sending chilling phone messages and texts, place traps in letterboxes, and post notes telling your child he is watching/following them. And guess what? All your child has to do is avoid getting hit in the face with a cake. If your child is a tough little cookie and is able to run like hell from the evil clown carrying a cake then as a reward your child will receive this cake on its birthday as a present.
Ooo yay!
Here are the instructions to give your kid:
1) Don't crap your pants.
2) Don't forget to go to therapy after this is all done.
3)Don't forget we love you lots and lots when you turn into a scared lump of nothingness. Signed, Mom and Dad.
Now don't worry. This evil, stalking clown will never break into your home and if your child collapse from fear then Dominic Deville will stop the stalking. No need to terrify your kiddy. After all, every kid wants a creepy clown stalking their every move. It's all fun!
I mean...come on! Little Timmy and Jane really want this guy for their birthday... Go on...make the call. It'll only cost 666 pounds. But hey! who can put a price on their child's sanity?
Wtf!?
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/821591-evil-clown-hired-for-stalking-threats-and-a-pie-in-the-face
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Coughing, and Wheezing, and Cracked Ribs...Oh My!
This month has just officially sucked for me physically. The cough that won't go away...the lungs that won't be still...the rib that is cracked...the muscles that can't seem to relax...and precious sleep that is either lost or running away from my tired body.
Oh don't get me wrong...not really looking for a lot of sympathy here. Some is nice though. :-)
I'm just tired. Tired of whatever my body is going through...tired of being emotionally exhausted as well.
I don't believe in the whole "maybe God is trying to teach you a lesson in your sickness". It's a bunch of bullshit in my opinion. Sorry if you believe it...I'm not trying to offend anyone out there. I just don't think that me coughing up my lungs and cracking a rib is God trying to teach me "patience...or perseverance...or trust...or (fill in the blank)." It feels incredibly mean and cruel that a God so powerful would have to "stoop" to such levels... Remember please...this is just my own lil opinion. I can be wrong. I just don't think I am. ;-)
I will say that through all this I have cried. I mean...yes...I've cried in GG with other ladies about parts of my story...but I haven't cried about all that's going on right now...especially about N's job situation. But this weekend I have cried. A lot. And it's felt good. I've been trying to stay strong...to stay sane...to keep my head above the waves (and quite literally anyways cuz I can't swim for crap lol). I've said "I'm fine." "It's all okay...I'm just tired. Emotionally and physically. But I'm handling it." 'It's all good." "Blah blah blah". :-) This keeps me from connecting completely with my heart. It keeps me from going emotionally crazy everywhere. And it keeps from crying. I haven't had any tears lately. It's been hard for me to cry lately (for me...i mean).
But all this body pain has made my tears flow. And it feels natural and good.
I am desperately waiting for something to come through job-wise for Nate. And I have already planned in celebration for whatever job he gets, I am getting a new tattoo! lol. So if you want some ink too we can go out and have an ink party lol! haha.
My "desires" right now are very simple...nothing big...nothing grand... Like for example, one desire is to be back in my own bed. Our bed is soft and oooh so perfect for a sleep-lover like me, but when one has a cracked a rib a soft bed is not a good thing. Too much sinkage. So I've been on the couch. It's a plumb little sucker, but no sinkage...which makes my ribs happy. My sweet husband has even been sleeping on the floor next to the couch just so I don't have to sleep alone. I married an awesome guy! Last night we had an interesting conversation in the dark:
Me: Hey...it's like we're having a slumber party babe!
Nate: Haha. Yeah.
Me: Maybe tomorrow night you can braid my hair and I'll paint your toe nails.
Nate: Ooo goody. And then we can talk about boys.
Me: haha-coughcough-oww-haha. don't make me laugh.
Nate: So sorry... hahaha
I really have nothing else to say right now... So have a good Sunday.
Oh don't get me wrong...not really looking for a lot of sympathy here. Some is nice though. :-)
I'm just tired. Tired of whatever my body is going through...tired of being emotionally exhausted as well.
I don't believe in the whole "maybe God is trying to teach you a lesson in your sickness". It's a bunch of bullshit in my opinion. Sorry if you believe it...I'm not trying to offend anyone out there. I just don't think that me coughing up my lungs and cracking a rib is God trying to teach me "patience...or perseverance...or trust...or (fill in the blank)." It feels incredibly mean and cruel that a God so powerful would have to "stoop" to such levels... Remember please...this is just my own lil opinion. I can be wrong. I just don't think I am. ;-)
I will say that through all this I have cried. I mean...yes...I've cried in GG with other ladies about parts of my story...but I haven't cried about all that's going on right now...especially about N's job situation. But this weekend I have cried. A lot. And it's felt good. I've been trying to stay strong...to stay sane...to keep my head above the waves (and quite literally anyways cuz I can't swim for crap lol). I've said "I'm fine." "It's all okay...I'm just tired. Emotionally and physically. But I'm handling it." 'It's all good." "Blah blah blah". :-) This keeps me from connecting completely with my heart. It keeps me from going emotionally crazy everywhere. And it keeps from crying. I haven't had any tears lately. It's been hard for me to cry lately (for me...i mean).
But all this body pain has made my tears flow. And it feels natural and good.
I am desperately waiting for something to come through job-wise for Nate. And I have already planned in celebration for whatever job he gets, I am getting a new tattoo! lol. So if you want some ink too we can go out and have an ink party lol! haha.
My "desires" right now are very simple...nothing big...nothing grand... Like for example, one desire is to be back in my own bed. Our bed is soft and oooh so perfect for a sleep-lover like me, but when one has a cracked a rib a soft bed is not a good thing. Too much sinkage. So I've been on the couch. It's a plumb little sucker, but no sinkage...which makes my ribs happy. My sweet husband has even been sleeping on the floor next to the couch just so I don't have to sleep alone. I married an awesome guy! Last night we had an interesting conversation in the dark:
Me: Hey...it's like we're having a slumber party babe!
Nate: Haha. Yeah.
Me: Maybe tomorrow night you can braid my hair and I'll paint your toe nails.
Nate: Ooo goody. And then we can talk about boys.
Me: haha-coughcough-oww-haha. don't make me laugh.
Nate: So sorry... hahaha
I really have nothing else to say right now... So have a good Sunday.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
We Love To Laugh!
So Nate and I had the most amazing laugh ever. I recommend that if you get easily offended not to click on the link I have provided....but if you have an awesome sense of humor then click away (I'm pretty darn sure you won't be disappointed). :-)
I still have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard (the tears are also a result from laughing and in the process landing myself into a well-worth-it coughing fit).
I thank the Sassy Curmudgeon for this hilarious post!
I still have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard (the tears are also a result from laughing and in the process landing myself into a well-worth-it coughing fit).
I thank the Sassy Curmudgeon for this hilarious post!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Words...
Word: A sound or a combination of sounds, or its representation in writing or printing, that symbolizes and communicates a meaning and may consist of a single morpheme or of a combination of morphemes.
There are weird words, cool words, funny words, angry words, bad words, rhyming words, interesting words, big words, inspirational words. There are songs about words, songs without words, words that make up songs-- I suppose we call those lyrics. There are words that heal, words that wound, words that trigger, words that give us "balls", words to put us in our place, words to take us away from our place. We can't talk without words. We can't write without words. We wouldn't have book without words. We wouldn't know where to go when driving without words.Words are tossed to and fro. Words are thrown here and there. Words are used everywhere.
Words: a unit of language, consisting of one or more spoken sounds or their written representation, that functions as a principal carrier of meaning. Words are composed of one or more morphemes and are either the smallest units susceptible of independent use or consist of two or three such units combined under certain linking conditions, as with the loss of primary accent that distinguishes blackbird from black bird. Words are usually separated by spaces in writing, and are distinguished phonologically, as by accent, in many languages.
Now that was a lot of words.
Words.
Do you think your words are worth hearing? Do you think your words are worth being spoken?
Do you think your words have impact? And that your lack of words has more impact than you can imagine?
Imagine a world without words.
Sad. Lonely. Quiet. Unimaginative. You can't even imagine a world without words...without using words.
I struggle with my words. I struggle with how to say them....if they'll be heard or even accepted...many times I wonder if my words will even make sense. But I must admit I love words. Without words I wouldn't be able to write this random blog post. Without words I wouldn't be able to talk. I wouldn't be heard.
There was (and to some degree still is) a time when I had words that could not be spoken. I remember choking on my words. Words filled with passion and desires. Words with longings and dreams and playfulness. Words that would let you see into the brightest parts of my heart and mind and even into the darkest of places. Words that wanted to be spoken on listening ears. But these words were not wanted. These words were not desired. And I still struggle to this day with the lie that says "Your words are worthless".
Words.
I can be very quiet. I can be wordless. But don't let my quiet exterior fool you. It's always a hoot and a holler...a riot...a wonderland...inside my mind. I like being a hoot and a holler...I like being a riot...I like being a wonderland. I like it when I can take those around me to my Wonderland of Words. I find it beautiful when I can speak words to ears that urge me to speak. Ears that long to hear my Wonderland Words.
I wish I was bolder with my words. I know that compared to last year I am bolder. I'm just not as bold as I wish I was.
Words.
I love words. How about you? :-)
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Because I never want to "grow up"...
It's happening all the time
When I open my eyes
I'm still taken by surprise
I hold sunlight and swallow fireflies
And it makes me want to cry
I love you
I shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow?
We were walking there
And I had tangles in my hair
But you make me feel so pretty
You have shining eyes
Yes like those forest lights
And it makes me want to cry
I love you
I shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow?
I love you
I shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow?
This place is so lovely
It kind of makes me very happy
Let's go far away to the humming meadow
Brightly Wound-Eisley
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