Today

Today I am sitting in more questions than I had yesterday...

Today my heart is fighting to not give in to the sadness that is lingering around the edges...

Today I am so excited about the vacation that is coming up in two days...

Today I am not overwhelmed by all that I need to get for our trip because we took care of it last night...

Today I am wondering why I asked all those questions yesterday...

Today I am glad my husband was there because if he wasn't I would have lost control of my emotions...

Today my heart feels the loss of that year so much more...

Today my voice feels small...quiet...

Today I am sitting in the realization that six years ago God began to whisper to my hurting heart "I Am. I Am listening."

Today I am trying to make a list entitled "Ten things I know to be true about myself" and I'm failing miserably at coming up with more than two things...

Today I am going to make sure I keep busy...

Today I am hurt and disappointed...

Today my tears still want to come out...but I keep trying hard to hold them back...

Today I am so thankful for my husband...and I'm thankful he took me on a surprise date last night...

Today......all I can do is be me.... and according to my husband "me" is pretty awesome...but it's kinda hard to believe that right now...

"If I should have a daughter, instead of Mom, she's gonna call me Point B. Because that way she knows that no matter what happens at least she can always find her way to me. And I'm going to paint the solar systems on the backs of her hands. So she has to learn the entire universe before she can say "Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.". 


And she's gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aides or poetry. So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn't coming I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself. Cuz no matter how wide you stretch your fingers your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me. I've tried.


 "And Baby," I'll tell her, "Don't keep your nose up in the air like that. I know that trick. I've done it a million times. You're just smelling for smoke. So you can follow the trail back to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him." But I know she will anyway. So instead I'll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby. Because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix. Okay there's a few heartbreaks chocolate can't fix, but that's what the rain boots are for. Because rain will wash away everything if you let it. 


I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat. To look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind because that's the way my mom taught me. That they'll be days like this. They'll be days like this my momma said. When you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises. When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you wanna save are the ones standing on your cape. When your boots will fill with rain, and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment and those are very days you have all the more reason to say "Thank you" cuz there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it's sent away. 


You will put the "win" in win some...lose some. You will put the "star" in starting over and over. And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life. And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting I am pretty damn naive. But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily, but don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it. 


"Baby," I'll tell her, "Remember your momma is a worrier and your papa is a warrior. And you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more." Remember that good things come in threes. And so do bad things. And always apologize when you've done something wrong, but don't you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining. Your voice is small, but don't ever stop singing. And when they finally hand you heartache. When they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.            


Written By: Sarah Kay

Easter Photo Shoot

Easter 2011

Easter weekend was so good. The family came over to our place, we feasted on hot dogs, mac& cheese, and BBQ chicken, and the dessert consisted of cupcakes and cake pops. My niece and nephews went swimming and had a little egg hunt. We were able to bride my nephews into joining the fun since my sister-in-law and my mom added money in their eggs. My niece, who is three, had me rolling in laughter. The eggs were "hidden" in very obvious places, but J was having so much fun looking that she kept missing the eggs and whenever she would see one there would be happy surprised, shrieks. 3 year olds are so cute!! I completely enjoyed holding my baby nephew like all day. He is so chunky and smiles all the time! The cats were scared the whole time. One was hiding under the couch and the other was in our bedroom. Poor kitties!

We even watched my sister-in-law and brother's wedding video. Very 90's! Hahaha!

I was trying to pick out some pics to put here, but I just couldn't chose which ones so I'm just going to add them all to my FB account. That'll be easier. :-)

Happy Easter! Hope y'all had a good one!

R.I.P. Sarah Jane

Yesterday one of the Doctor's companions died. Her name is Elisabeth Sladen, but Doctor Who fans know her as Sarah Jane Smith. She was the companion to the 3rd & 4th incarnation of the Doctor back in the 70's and made special appearances for the 5th, 10th & 11th Doctor.

Sarah Jane & the 3rd Doctor

Sarah Jane & the 4th Doctor

Sarah Jane and the newest Doctor

Sarah Jane Smith was an investigative reporter who stumbled onto the Tardis and from that moment on her whole world was changed. Her character become the most favorite companion along with Tom Baker (the 4th Doctor) who become the favorite Doctor of that time. She went from being a "Yes, Doctor" "No, Doctor" girl to a well developed character who later earned herself her own series "The Sarah Jane Adventures".

An emotional goodbye between Sarah Jane and the 10th Doctor (my favorite Doctor)

K-9 was a gift the Doctor gave Sarah Jane.

K-9 was an incredibly intelligent and faithful companion for the Doctor's most faithful companion.

The Doctor Who world won't be the same without you Sarah Jane.

You'll be missed.

Lots.

So weird...

I always like to look at "search keywords" under Stats to see what brings people to my blog. Most of it is usually about vampires thanks to my Twilight post. But this one was so randomly weird I just had to post it here.

"if i was sexy, then i would drink 7up and kill the plants around"

What the heck?! Hahaha! Thank you weird person for making me laugh today! :-)

Survival Rules:

So tomorrow I'm going to watch Scream 4! Last year for Halloween I decided I would try watching some of the cult classics and my favorite hands down was the Scream series. When I found out that they were coming out with a fourth installment I knew I just had to see it. So I'm going with one of my sister-in-laws (who loves scary movies even though she denies it) to watch it with me. :-)

In honor of this scary movie I decided I would finally write down some of my scary movie rules that I mentioned in an older posts "Random Thoughts".

M's Book of Survival Rules:

For Almost Anything That Could Ever Happen According to M

1. Always check the backseat.

5. Always check behind the door

6. If you are being chased try to not run upstairs

9. Everything is a weapon so use SOMETHING

10. Don't walk in dark rooms. Turn the light on or don't bother going in the room!

14. When in doubt, decapitate!

16. When someone says "Wait here." here means where you are...not somewhere else.

18. Always call the cops. Here's a thought, don't listen to the creepy guy telling you not to call them.

19. Don't go outside and leave your door open. You might as well post a sign saying:

"Please enter and make yourself at home. I'll be back soon so you can resume your killing spree."

20. When being chased Never Ever Ever try to fit into the doggie door

22. While looking around for your chaser, don't walk backwards.

24. If you see the killer standing behind your friend say something right away! Don't wait and stare stupidly into space.

25. Always stay in your group. The moment you split up the group you become sitting ducks. And anyways, it'll give you more time to escape if the killer's attention is on someone else.

29. Never trust the clown. They are always evil.

38. Moaning people stumbling about are not horny. They are hungry.

39. Go ahead and slap the screaming hysterical girl so she shuts up!

42. Never go into the deserted looking house to phone for help.

43. If someone in your group goes missing and then shows up later don't trust them!!

47. If you think something is behind you don't bother looking. Just run. If you have to look then jump forward, spin around, and scream "BOO!". At least you'll catch your attacker off guard.

48. If on a stormy night you find a previously closed window open, then leave it open. Assume someone came through it. And remember to use it. It'll be your guaranteed escape option.

49. When somebody says "Don't worry, I'll be right back." it's code for "You are on you're own. I'm not coming back alive."

50. Check the ceiling.

51. "What could go wrong?" means that everything and anything will go wrong.

52. Ask yourself this question: "Do I really want to hide in the tub?"

And there you have it. In case you find your self in a scary movie situation try to remember some of these rules. It might just save your life. ;-)

Gardening...Kinda...

So I've decided to try "gardening" again... :-) My mom has an awesome green thumb, but I did not inherit that thumb. Maybe it's because I sucked my thumb so hard, for so long that I eventually pulled it out of it's socket. I even had to wear a cast! Hahaha! And yes, that really did happen to me.

Anywho, I'm good at keeping flowers alive in vases and I even kept Africa

n violets alive for a really long time! Nate's grandparents gave us a beautiful pot of Rosemary and it lasted for a few months...and then we forgot to water it and yeah, it died. Neither one of us are good at keeping plants alive. But now that we have a cute little backyard I thought that I would try it once more.

Nate and I went and bought some cute flowers and pots this past weekend. N even made me a cute little mulch thingy to put my pots on. See! Just the fact that I have to say "mulch thingy" proves that I have no clue what I'm doing! Haha! I'm going to try to keep this little buggars alive. I am very determined!

Nate even asked if I was going to talk to them. I laughed and told him no, but neither of us believed it. I mean, I've already named all my flowers!

Left to Right: Gaga, Dash, Fergie, Perry & TayTay

Yes, I know. I've named my flowers after singers. Lady Gaga, Dashboard Confessionals, Fergie (obviously), Katy Perry, & Taylor Swift.

Our cute little backyard!

We used to have a fixed up glider out front. It was too big to put inside and we wanted something outside so we put it out there. But it was dirty, big, and we never sat on it. So while we were buying flowers I saw a plastic chair that could take it's place easily. And it was only 6bucks! Thank you Wal-Mart! :-) Now I can sit out front and not feel like I'm about to contract some weird dirty chair disease.

Since this plant is up front, I forgot to put my pretty, bright yellow flowers in the pot that's under her. Yes, the flower is a girl, and her name is Adele (I call her Addy for short).

Our Cat - Thalia

Thalia Marie Arnold

aka

Thalie, T-baller, Thalie Wallie, Thalie Wallie Bumpkins, Baby Girl

We love Greek mythology so it made complete sense to name our pets after these mythologies. Thalia is a Muse who presided over comedy and idyllic poetry. We hoped she would be "joyous and crowned with ivy" hahaha poor kitty. But Thalia has her own mind. She is your typical cat. She comes when she wants, she loves on you when she wants, she does what she wants when she wants. She only plays with feathers and jacks. Thalia is in love with shoes and catnip. If you're wet then it's her "job" to lick you clean.

She loves curling up in laundry baskets, sleeping in blankets, and hogging the couch. If you bug her then you'll get a warning growl. If you keep doing what she asked you not to do then she'll either whack at you or bite (biting means putting her teeth on you, but not chomping down). She loves to glare intensely at people, jump up on "no no" places, and "make biscuits" on blankets when she feels safe. Thalia purrs like a freaking motor and likes to have conversations with us when she feels conversational. She also makes this weird, loud snorting sound when she cleans herself. It's hilarious! She hates being held, but sometimes lets us if we are able to distract her with something shiny.

Thalia is very ladylike when she walks and sits. She knows when I'm sick or sad and always curls up really close to me. She loves taking pot-shots at her little brother. Chasing him away from her "sun spot" is a favorite of hers. She loves to play rough with him, but if he starts winning it's a guarantee to hear her yowling and screaming. And yeah...cats can scream and it's scary as crap. Birds always torment her. She gets all antsy and "chirps" at them. We have other cats that hang around the complex, but none hang around our area. One tried and Thalia literally attacked the window screen while hissing and screaming. Scared the crap at me at first and then I couldn't stop laughing!!

Thalia used to love moths. They would become her friends and she talked to them. She just never figured out that when she caught them...they died. It would make me sad when she meowed sadly and looked for the moth up on the walls and ceiling. Poor baby! She also has the most beautiful green eyes. People are always saying how gorgeous her eyes are. They range from a darker green all the way to a piercingly light color. When she wants water from the sink, Nate spoils her and holds the water in his hands and she drinks it up. And yeah, she totally thinks she runs the place. Little brat! :-)

We love our little girl!

Leave Something to the Imagination...

Okay so I've been seeing the above sentence a lot lately. It's one I've heard many times, but I've just been more aware of different people saying it lately. And I'm going to be honest here...it's been added to my pet peeve list.

This sentence is usually used when people are talking about modesty. Haha. Oh. My. Lord. How I do hate that topic. I have rarely experienced this topic talked about with anything other than finger pointing and judgement. I believe that modesty is decided on by your own personal beliefs and convictions. End of story. You have to make your own decisions and not make them the universal rule for others. Love people where they are at. Whether they are wearing next to nothing or dressed like Amish folk. It's really hard to do, but each of those girls has a story and believe it or not how you choose to dress has a lot to do with your story.

When modesty comes up it is closely followed by contempt.

We either are too modest or not modest enough. We point and laugh at the girl who wears a big denim jumper and point out their lack of fashion. Or we point and "tsk tsk" at the perky boobed girl who is pouring out of her top. Then there's all the in betweeners who get laughed or tsked at all in the name of Modesty's sake. We all do it. Comparison is always about contempt.

I know plenty of people who would look at me and say I wasn't modest enough. I like my jeans to fit me snugly. I also like them long, torn, and holey. I wear sleeveless tops and short shorts. And my tops can vary between fitting me loosely or snugly depending on the style. And yeah, I don't mind a little cleavage. I like the way I dress. I choose clothes that help me feel beautiful, sexy, and confident. And sometimes they make me feel comfy, lazy, and relaxed. They are my clothes. I like them and approve and so does my husband. He absolutely loves when I am feeling sexy in an outfit. I love it even more when he sees me wearing something cute and grabs my ass, brings me in close and...hahah...well...I needn't go into details! :-)

So many people would look at all that and be like "She isn't modest. She's causing our brothers to stumble." And I lovingly and laughingly say back to that... "Frankly my dear, I don't give a freaking damn!" I'm not even going to get into the "brothers stumbling" argument. Lol. It cracks me up and I have some pointed thoughts about it, but that is neither here nor there right now. My husband approves and that's all I care about.

All that to say, I believe that modesty is a personal decision.

But here comes my new peeve -- the point to this post.

"Leave something to the imagination."

So usually someone is saying "You need to dress modestly...blah blah blah...Don't wear blah blah like blah blah...You should always leave something to the imagination."

So what you're saying is...I should not wear shirts past my collarbone or shorts past the middle of my thigh so I can leave something for guys to imagine about?! Haha...in reality this makes me feel gross. I'm sorry I don't want to purposefully wear something that will leave guys imagining what else my curvy body is hiding. I already know guys think about stuff like that. And if your guy says no to that...sorry ladies...he's lying. Right or wrong...he's a guy. And I believe that men were created to admire and long for our beauty.

Now don't get me wrong (if you are sitting in a little pool of contempt please pay attention to what I'm about to say), I completely understand what this sentence is trying to state. I understand it, but I wish they would use a different sentence...a different way of getting their point across. When you really look at the sentence doesn't it make you feel a little...uhh...weirded out? I even asked Nate and he agreed.

How about "leave a few things covered up"...not "leave something to the imagination". I don't know. I just think it's funny and creepy and at the same time annoying.

I love clothes and fashion. I may not be the most fashionable girl, but I love picking

out something that is me...and cute. I don't look for "modest"...I look for "Mal".

Save a bookcase, buy a book.

Tomorrow Nate & I are going to a used book sale. If you know anything about us then you know that the words "used book sale" make us very happy and excited! It's going to be at the Blossom Athletic Gymnasium. The whole gym is covered with tables (front to back) and on those tables are tons of books. They have every book imaginable! Sigh. It's amazing!

Anywho, I was thinking about all the books we are going to be bring home. And then I started thinking that all the bookcases we have are already filled with books. Which means that we'll need to buy another bookcase. And then I'm going to have to figure out where to put our new bookcase. Upstairs? Downstairs? I'm thinking upstairs because Nate has a bad habit of taking books upstairs and never bringing them back down. So I'm hoping that if there is a bookcase up there than our bathroom and his nightstand won't be overrun by piles of books (and yeah, I said piles.) We love to read.

Someday when we get the chance to build our own home there is definitely going to be a library room. There will be one big window and a window seat. And then every other wall will have built-in bookcases. Floor to almost ceiling bookcases with a sliding ladder (just like in Beauty & the Beast!!). I say almost ceiling because we want molding up there that has famous author's last names going all the way around the room. And in the middle of the room comfy furniture that invites you to curl up and read all day. Oh! And blankets are a must. We even want to spice up the door! We to make the door look like the Tardis. Everytime you walk up to the door to go inside of the library you'll have to open the Tardis doors. The idea that you'll be transported to any world you want is so perfect for us!

The Tardis doors. When we do it, it won't be a cutout. It'll be the legit thing!

Thinking about bookcases makes me think about other people's bookcases. I've seen bookcases filled with books. Old books, new books, famous books, and books I've never heard about. I've also seen bookcases with a mix of books and decorations. But the ones that confuse me the most are the bookcases that don't have any books at all. They usually just have pictures, vases, etc.

Like I said, this confuses me! Why do people use their bookcases for things other than...books?! Haha! Our bookcases are filled with books. Before we moved they were overflowing with books. Since the bookcases were in a different room we didn't care about that, but now that they are in the living room where everyone can see them we thought it might be nice to keep it a little organized. :-)

It makes me sad when I see a bookcase without books. I literally want to go buy some books and sneak them in so the bookcase won't be "lonely". Poor bookcases. There should be a refuge for bookless bookcases.

Save a bookcase, buy a book.