Sitting half-way in the pool and eating Mint Oreos.
Laughter. Lots of laughter. Laughter that erupted from our core.
Walking in the woods and swinging on an old tire.
Trying to scare each other at night. Oh the screaming that occurred!
Whispering.
Competing at who could play the piano better.
Listening to Josh Groban. Pretty sure we were head over heals in love with him.
The day she gave me our "Best Friend" ring as a Christmas gift. It carefully sits on my jewelry box.
Her following me to my room and laughing at how Nate "couldn't keep his eyes off me" months before he and I started dating.
Cutting out and playing with our paper dolls.
Being sprawled out on the floor tracing pictures of the classic actors/actresses.
Envying her ability to speak her mind so bravely.
Feeling shame whenever she bluntly stated how small I was allowed to live. It was truth. But in light of how big she lived and how I didn't there was shame that would cause tears whenever I was in private.
Sitting at a bakery and eating pastries.
The disappointment I shut down when she wasn't present at my dress-fittings or showers.
Acting like a "party-girl" in our relationship as we got older. Pushing and pulling. Running away before I could get hurt. Never acknowledging all the loss that occurred.
How the gap kept widening and we didn't try to fight for what we had.
The night I graduated from high school. What a fun night. Wearing tiaras and fairy wands. Dancing and laughing. Twirling around in our dresses.
Debating who was better: Cary Grant or Clark Gable? Humphrey Bogart or Fred Astaire?
How protective she would get for me.
How protective she would get for me.
Talking for hours and hours.
Playing and being mischievous.
Wrapping my arms around her so tightly. We hugged so often and so fiercely. It's surprising and shocking to realize that I have never hugged any friend so dearly and freely since those years. And ever since my physical contact with friends has been as minimal as possible.
Being so angry. Not realizing that I just felt lonely and abandoned.
Our code names were "Lucy and Ethel"
Talking on the phone like there was no tomorrow.
The love we had for each other.
The love we had for each other.
Seeing her in the hospital for the first time. It was scary and confusing.
It was always just the two of us. We were the mis-fits in our other circles, but together we were inseparable and perfect.
Growing up. Becoming very different people.
Walking arm in arm through Boerne Main Street.
Sharing a love for imagination and for literature.
Skipping around like idiots.
Crying all day when I found out she died.
All the regret. All the processing that took place...too late. So many unanswered questions. Words that will never be spoken face-to-face.
I wish I could give her my face, my laughter, my tears, my words, and my love, but it's too late.
We were too stubborn. Too scared. Too stupid.
The good times are held dearly in my heart.
The bad times still hurt.
It will be one year in May.
I still love her. Heart and Soul.
