Change...

I'm sitting in my living room thinking about all the change that has occurred in my life this year and the change that will continue to happen.

I have finished my first semester back at college and I am registered for my next semester...and...if everything works out I'll graduate Spring 2013. Three semester left. Well...for my associates, but for me that's pretty awesome. And pretty exciting.

See...That's an example of good change. Change I welcome and embrace. And there's still more good change that I'm looking forward to. And some scary, but good change that could happen in a year or two. Change that feels redemptive and new and exciting. There are so many new things N and I are pursuing and hoping for together. The journey of good change feels like a good cup of hot chocolate...it warms my soul and soaks my heart in a delightful bubble bath.

But there's change that doesn't feel so good. Change that leaves me curious and nervous. Change that leaves holes in my life. Change that leaves me sad and pondering things quietly in my heart. Change that leaves me with unspoken words of hurt and anger. Change that I don't want to talk about because instead of just saying what's on my heart I chose words carefully and cheat myself and those involved out of seeing my tears, my anger, and my thoughts.

Careful. That's my word for myself this past months. I have become careful. Careful to not rock the boat. Careful to not be too much for those around me. Careful to not ask for anything. Careful to contain my "negative" emotions. Careful to not give my opinion because it's not really wanted. Careful to not become hyper-vigilant, but realizing that it's a losing battle in some situations. Careful to just talk about the great and happy things around me. Careful to not expect anything so I won't be surprised (it's stupid to say I won't be disappointed...I will...but at least I won't be surprised.)

Auuuuugh.

This was supposed to be a happier, lighter, I-think-I-need-to-blog-again post... Apparently out of the fingertips the heart floweth. ;-)

What happened to the days of a good cry over coffee in Starbucks?

Back At School!!

Today was my second day back to school. It's so strange to think that after almost four years I'm back. I always hoped to go back, but my mind realistically speaking thought that probably wouldn't happen. And yet, during the same week that I am about to turn 25, I am back! And all because my husband refused to let me give up on my dream. *insert happy smile*

There is so much different this time around. So much. And that's what makes it even more awesome...

And I am so hungry to learn!

I feel giggly when I think about it all. Don't ask why... it just does. Haha!

I was definitely nervous when I walked through campus to my building, but it all just slowly sunk it. I'm not the awkard, frizzy haired kid with a visible top retainer, no make-up, and roller backpack that would let anyone in a five mile radius know I was coming. I'm not naive and desperate for anything and everything. I'm not wearing stupid hose all day. I'm not in a major I hate. I'm not exhausted, lonely, or angry. I'm not starving myself because at least then I have the skinny body I see on the pretty, skinny girls. I'm not in tears because my teachers have once again reminded me bluntly that I don't have the skill required to be in that major. I'm not sitting in the first row.

I sit close to the front, but in a place where feels comfortable...usually the middle. I'm eating and I love to eat and I bring lunch with me since I'm there during lunch time. I'm alert in classes, happy, eager, and definitely not feeling lonely! I'm studying Psychology (finally!!!). I'm aware of the world around me and my heart is full. I have a plain black backpack with my "Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes" pin (that I got on vacation) smack dab in the middle. Oh! And my hair is super short and has purplish tones in it right now.

And did I mention I'm studying Psychology?! Hahaha I'm so excited!!

I love being back at school. The years have changed me...and have made me ready to grab hold of this new chapter with great passion!

 My first day going to Kindergarten! 

  My first day going to Northwest Vista

My first day Back to school!! Can you tell I'm excited?! Hahah! 

 

Ding Dong, I Stole Her Shoes!

I've always wanted Dorothy shoes ever since I watched Wizard of Oz as a little girl. Now I have them. Well...I have some that I can't actually wear lol. I've been trying to make my own Halloween decorations ahead of time and I saw a picture over at Pinterest that was a DIY Wicked Witch leg's & ruby slippers. Okay...so I have the patience for some things, but not for all of that so I grabbed an old pair of heels that are too small for me, bought red glitter and starting on my shoes. I'm pretty sure I ingested a crap load of glitter after all this was done!

Sigh. I love them! If I hadn't painted the inside of the shoes black (they were a weird greyish plaid color before) and if the shoes weren't too small then I would totally be wearing these...like everyday. :-) One Halloween decoration is done...now only five hundred more to complete. Haha!

The Three Princesses...

 There have been two Disney movies that have connected with me my almost 25 years. Everyone I know loves Belle, Ariel, Jasmine...and the other gals, but my two favorite have always been Cinderella and Mulan.

Back when I was little I used to watch Cinderella religiously. I had all her songs memorized and when I was cleaning up...when I was getting dressed...when I was sewing...I saw myself as her...dreaming and waiting. I used to close my eyes and hope that when I opened them again my Fairy Godmother would be there singing and a beautiful dress would be swirling around me. I even learned all the songs on the piano and would play them over and over again while singing and looking out the dining room window where our piano was positioned. I'd always remember "have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will smiling through...no matter how your heart is grieving...if you keep on believing...the dream that you wish will come true." No one could order me to stop dreaming.

One a sillier note I always wanted a cat like Lucifer...and I got one. :-)

And when Nate and I had our first kiss back when we were dating (and what an freaking awesome kiss was that?! yumm!) and I waltzed back inside my house and into my room...I kid you not...I literally was singing softly to myself "So this is love".

I have two copies of Cinderella. One my mom bought me...the other I stole from my grandmother because her cover was newer. I'm not proud I was a little thief...but it was Cinderella...

Then another movie came out and I saw it a million times in theater. I even had a Mulan birthday party.
Here was girl (and she had black hair just like me!!) who was insecure, but was hoping and struggling to be herself...to find who she was. A girl who chose a hard path to prove herself a worthy woman. A woman who could fight along with the boys and still be so tender and beautiful. And...she got her "prince" at the end too...

I know people make fun of the Reflection song, but that song still to this day makes me tear up. It pulls at something so deep inside of me...and as a girl struggling to keep dreaming and who had no clue who she was...that song was written for my little heart. As silly as it might be, I would sing it in the mirror hoping that at that moment maybe...just maybe...my reflection would show who I was inside...

   

I not only had a favorite princess who encouraged me to dream passionately, but a warrior princess (she's a princess in my opinion!) who fought valiantly with strength, courage, and beauty.

I plan on watching these two movies with my little girls someday...and even reading to them about the real Fau Mulan.

So I've loved these movies...each so different, but perfectly connectable to my heart. I seriously have thought no other Disney movie could share a spot with these two... Until...

This week...I watched Tangled. I had heard it was good, but I'm "grown up" now and if I'm going to do animated movies...well...no one can hold a candle the old school movies and now to Pixar. But it was on Netflix for Instant viewing so I thought "Why not?!". Seriously, by the end of the movie, I was in tears. Another movie princess crept in and tugged at me. Love, Adventure, Dreaming.

There were so many places that connected to my story. I found myself laughing at Rapunzel when she did things that reminded me of her and tearing up when things happened to her that happened to me. Of course I have no idea what it's like to have golden, long ass hair, but that's neither here nor there lol.

I've now watched it twice. Once by myself and tonight again with N. Even he liked it! And this scene, even the second time around, brings tears to my eyes.  {Hmm...well I tried to embed it, but it won't work so please...please click on the link and watch it! I think it's so beautiful and tear worthy...but that's just me...}

I See The Light

Now I have three favorite princesses. Three to share with my future little princesses. I can see us having a "war" outside and fighting like Mulan or having tea while Cinderella sweetly sings or curled up, drinking hot chocolate while Rapunzel shows us that adventure is out there for us. And really, just three to remind myself that you're never too old to have three favorite princesses...

And what's even better...they were all right...my prince did come. Guess Disney knows what they were talkin' about. :-)

A Little Story...

My whole life I've always written little stories. Some I finished. Most I left unfinished. They range from Edgar Allen Poe inspired stories, hobbit adventures, southern belles, super-villains, etc. One of my cheesy favorites was written back when I graduated from high school. It was during my Adrian Brody crush-a-thon. :-)  I remember reading an interview he gave to some magazine...well...I'm not sure I was reading it as much as I was drooling over his pictures. Haha! And suddenly I had the urge to write... I grabbed a sticky pad and jotted down: "high and delicate cheekbones framing a strong nose and baleful eyes that peer out from under a pale brow with just a trace of mild amusement" Can you tell how in love I was? Hahahaha!

Well today I thought I would share my little story. Don't laugh...haha...okay you can laugh. I admit...I can be quite obsessive! Don't expect anything amazing...I am by no means good at writing!

Mystery Man

"As I was standing on the corner of 5th and Broadway an unnatural mist settled on the surprisingly relaxed paced street of New York. I had nothing to do that night and decided to watch the variety of people passing by my doorsteps. There were socialites, social climbers, reporters, musicians, politicians, junkies and 'women of the night'. There were so many people I could write about, but amazingly I wasn't interested in any of them. 


Then when I was about to give up hope and go back inside, I changed my mind. Across the street stood a man by whom I was inspired to write. dressed in an Armani suit with a fedora slouched across one side of his jet black hair. He leaned against a street lamp and lit a cigarette. He had high and delicate cheekbones framing a strong nose and baleful eyes that peer out from under a pale brow with just a trace of mild amusement that danced in those enchanting eyes. For a moment I was lost in time just looking at him, but quickly came back to earth when I noticed him looking at me. 


I felt embarrassed and hoped he hadn't noticed how long I was staring at him. A smile played on his face and he winked at me. Then slowly he turned away, climbed into a cab, and drove off into the starry night. I went inside and quickly began to write. Never again would I see a man like him and I probably would never see him again, but his memory would be with me forever. "
                                                                                                                                by: M. Arnold - 2004




Omg!  ;-)       

Monster Ball

So I've been inspired by Pinterest.com to make these little monsters for fun! I went to Michaels, got some felt and started drawing out some monsters. I suppose I would have a million of these guys if I just pulled out my sewing machine, but I have thoroughly enjoyed hand-sewing them while chilling out to one of my favorite shows. They look so silly and are very easy to make! There isn't a particular reason I'm making them except that I have a ton of fun doing them and I thought it might be a fun idea to make more for Halloween, stick them in a basket with a cute sign saying "Adopt a Monster" and hand them out while I trick or treat with my nieces and nephews. :-)  Dorky...I know, but I thought it would be cute.

Here are my "Monster Ball" creations:

Francois and Marmalade 

 Francois

 Marmalade

 Mr. Wipple and Roberta

Mr. Wipple

Roberta

Yeah, that's right. I named them. Hahaha. 

A Very, Fun Day...

The first time N and I got pictures taken was before we got married for our engagement pictures. A sweet friend offered to take the pictures for us and we greatly appreciated it. They came out beautiful, but unfortunately my hubby accidently lost the cd that contained all the pictures before we were able to print off any of them. I was glad I was able to find four of our engagement pictures on her website.

When we got married I had hoped to have more pictures of our wedding, but all I got was an album and nothing else. Our photographers skipped town and didn't tell us and the people who took over just ignored our emails and phone calls. It sucked and there was more disappointment there.

I've always wanted us to go and take some fun and cute pictures, but it just never seemed to work out...until this year. My sister-in-law's best friend takes some pretty awesome photographs and after she did some family pictures for my in-laws I was hoping that she could help us out. So this week we headed downtown and she snapped away while N and I did our goofy, lovey-dovey thing. It was awesome and fun and she captured a lot of amazing moments between us.

In a funny way it kinda felt redemptive to get these pictures...

Love Story from Mal Arnold on Vimeo.

Our Cat - Hermes

When we started to look for another kitty I was happy and nervous. I wanted a kitty that Thalia would enjoy and be able to play with...and one that would make an effort to respect her territory. I also was hoping for a cuddly cat!
We started looking at cats and I wasn't seeing one that just captured my heart. There were quiet kitties, aggressive kitties, loud kitties, ugly kitties, and diva kitties. Black & white kitties, gray kitties, white kitties, and strangely colored kitties. I was becoming discouraged. Nate said that since we already had a black cat maybe we should go for a cat of a different color. I looked in each cage and not one of them shouted "I'm yours. Take me!".

And then... 

I spotted a tiny black kitten I hadn't seen before. He was sticking his paws through the cage and squeaking very loudly. Funny thing was that he kept looking right at me. I went over and he seemed to get more excited. I asked if I could hold him and when the cage was opened this tiny kitten literally flew out into my hands. My heart was officially captured. I brought him up to my neck and he immediately started to "make biscuits" on my shoulder while licking my face and neck with a fury. I knew this kitty was mine. End of story. Nate tried to hold him, but the little guy kept trying to jump back over to me. N couldn't top laughing and went to sign the paperwork.

Hermes aka  Mees, Mees-Mees, Little Boy, Baby Boy, Puppy

Hermes sleeps with abandon...and kinda ends up looking like a dog on his back. His claws are sharp and most of the scratches we end up with are because of him. He loves to lick me whenever he gets the chance. It's very much like he's giving kisses rather than cleaning. So sweet! He plays with anything and everything and always kicks his "toys" under closed doors. He eats like a little pig. If there is cat food on the floor than it's Hermes. He can't seem to eat without making a huge mess! Catnip doesn't get him going, but treats are what he lives for. That stuff is like crack to him.

He gets very jealous when Thalia is near me. He will sit on the floor glaring at her and probably utters little kitty death threats to her in their native tongue. Unlike Thalia, he never bothers to jump up on the kitchen counters or bar top (thank god!). When he has something to say he'll say it loudly, but it's hard to take him seriously because he still sounds like a kitten. He loves getting his butt scratched, but if you try to scratch his tummy be prepared for claws digging into you. He has never hissed or yowled or made any mean cat sounds. I'm pretty sure he is incapable of being vocally ugly.

Hermes is seriously a curious cat. He will check out anything even if he is scared to death of it. People intimidate him and so usually he hides in our bedroom. Occasionally he'll come down when people are around and sniff the situation out...make a fast move though and he'll run away.

If Thalia is laying down in a certain spot and then moves, Hermes will immediately "claim" her spot. They occasionally will lay down together and sometimes will lick each other. Suspicion runs high with these two so any sweetness doesn't last long.  They definitely do not hate each other...they just know their own places...sometimes...haha. It's hilarious to watch them play together. They will run back and forth, hunt and pounce, and yes, whenever Hermes is winning Thalia will scream bloody murder. Once that happens they retreat with hurt feeling and angry looks.

He is the only cat we've had that LOVES his cat carrier. We had to take it out of the closet and place it in our loft with a comfy blanket because he was obsessed with sleeping in it. It is super cute. Occasionally we'll walk over to the carrier and tell him "Come on baby boy, go to bed" and he'll literally walk in and lay down. But that doesn't happen too often so we can't really brag about it. :-)

When we're taking a shower he has to be in the bathroom with us. It's so weird. Usually he just sits on the toilet or curls up in the linen closet, but sometimes he'll sit on the shower ledge and just stare at us. I know...he's a creeper! When he wants to look out the window he rarely just sits on the ledge. Most of the time he keeps his butt on the floor and then rests his arms leisurely on the ledge. I have no idea why he likes sitting like that, but I guess it must be comfortable!

He has an obsession with my pink razor. Once he jumped so high he was able to knock my razor off the towel hanger thingy in the shower. He then proceeded to not only cut his paw on it, but refused to let go of the razor. That cat has one tough grip! Poor baby...he got mad at us for his cut paw, but never realized that it was the razor that did it. Needless to say, we keep razors hidden from his view now. My little guy also loves dice. When N was playing D&D with the guys here Hermes would stare intensely at the dice waiting for someone to drop one on the floor so he could grab it and run away.


He is so animated and cuddly. And I'm so glad that he picked me that day! My baby boy is turning 2 years old today. I still think he's a kitty and not a growing cat. We'll be singing him happy birthday and buying him some treats tomorrow. And he'll even get to enjoy an expensive can of wet food. If I could put a tiny birthday hat on his tiny cat head than I would do it...but I won't... reluctantly.

A Look Before...

I knew from the start that I wanted N to see me before I walked down the aisle. I wanted a special moment before the ceremony where it was just the two of us. Some people thought it was silly or unnecessary. Others thought it was sweet. I never asked anyone if I should do it or not. It was important to me and that was all that mattered.

I had heard people say "the ceremony will be a blur" so I wanted to make sure that we had a moment to ourselves before everything. A chance to soak up the excitement and happiness. A chance to look into each other's eyes and steal a few more kisses before the blur started.

I even asked the photographer to grab a shot or two before she and my wedding planner hauled everyone away.

I remember standing there waiting for my soon to be husband. I was so giddy. When he rounded the corner I couldn't stop smiling. And the look on his face. Oh lord. So sweet, handsome, and mischievous. I remember him whispering some very naughty things for my ears only...hahaha.

I remember us smiling and saying "This is it!".

I'm so glad we had this moment. Because for the rest of the wedding we were surrounded by people. Not a moment alone until we drove away to our hotel that night. If I had waited until then...well...I would have missed out on one of the sweetest memories I had of that day.    

My Wedding Dress...

Wedding Dress Shopping...

I had looked forward to this day for years. I even had a binder filled with lots of dress ideas. 

Over the years my "dress" changed. I went from wanting a princess ballgown to a lacy Spanish flavor gown to an elegantly simple a-line dress. I even wanted a dress that resembled Jackie O's wedding dress. I have and always will be in love with that woman! :-) 

I wanted a wedding dress that captured my heart. A dress that would make me gasp and say "this is the one.". 

Nate and I were talking about rings in Fall '06. We knew that getting married was a reality for us. It was the road we were traveling on and boy were we happy and ready. 

I know most girls would wait till they had a ring on their fingers before doing any planning, but I'm not "any" girl. I had been dreaming of my wedding since a little girl. I had wedding magazines coming out of the wazoo, a binder overflowing with ideas, and dreams that wouldn't be stopped. And I loved that my boyfriend loved all that about me. He never squelched my dreams. He never told me to stop planning or dreaming. He allowed me to be me and he ENJOYED me in all my excitement. 

When I went with my maid-of-honor to go dress shopping I was so nervous. After years of thinking about a dress I really had no idea what I wanted. There were dresses everywhere! She and I grabbed a few and I started the process of trying on everything I could try on. It was awesome and such a workout getting in and out of those dresses! I definitely wasn't prepared for how much a wedding dress could weigh! 

And then I tried on strapless lacy dress. I hadn't really considered wearing a strapless dress, but I thought "why not?!" The dress was lace from top to bottom and a simple sash wrapped around it. I was speechless. I looked beautiful. Me! Beautiful never was a word I associated with myself and yet, standing in front of that mirror I saw a beautiful woman staring back at me. I wanted this dress. Looking back it's funny to realize that the dress was rather plain. There wasn't any bling or "oh snap" to the dress. It literally was a simple lace dress. But the way it made me feel was extraordinary.

Next I brought my mom around to see it. I wasn't sure what she thought of it at the time, but I appreciated that she was willing to let me pick my own dress regardless of what she may have wanted. We didn't buy the dress right away. My mom told me I should just look at another dress shop just to make sure and if I was still set on that one than we'd get it. The three of us went dress shopping and took pictures so I could see the dresses even after I left. Nothing even came close to touching the other dress so I was pretty damn certain this was what I was going with. 

At this point I had everything I thought I wanted. It was going to be a summer wedding, flowers would be bright and colorful, definitely outside, bright colors, and bridesmaids would be in blue. Anyone who has seen pictures of my wedding or attended it knows that this was not anything close to what the final result was. Well...except for the being married outside part...that stayed the same. 

Then something big changed. My dress. 

I remember sitting down with my mom and future mother-in-law for lunch to talk about the wedding. The day did not go anything like I had planned or wanted and resulted in a later conversation that left me sitting in an ocean of disappointment and hurt. I was about ready to give up what I wanted to make others happy when N told me "No. This is your wedding. You wear the dress that you want to wear. You are going to be beautiful in whatever you pick out." 

So I went out once again to look for my dress. This time I scheduled an appointment with a consultant. That day I tried on a crap load of dresses. Nothing was capturing my heart and the dress I had once wanted had lost it's shimmer. Then my consultant asked if she could bring a dress that she thought fit my personality. I said "Sure. Why not.". When I saw the dress I wasn't that taken with it. It wasn't what I had imagined at all. I got the dress on and stood in front of the big mirrors and tears sprung to my eyes. This...this dress...this dress was the one. 

So beautiful. So perfect. It was as if Cinderella's Fairy Godmother had dressed me herself. I twirled in my dress. I couldn't stop smiling and giggling. My consultant grabbed jewelry, a tiara, and the veil to show me what it would all look like. Breathtaking. 

My wedding changed after that. It became a sit down dinner, the bridesmaids wearing beautiful black gowns, the theme was black and white with hints of red, and my flowers went to classic calla lilies. There would be dancing and celebration and my cake would be white on the outside and chocolate inside and the groom's cake would be the opposite. It was a dream come true. 

N and I will be married for four years in 17 days. 

What got me thinking about my dress, other than my upcoming anniversary, was the show My Fair Wedding. I love how the host is all about showing his brides that they deserve and are worth a beautiful wedding. 

I was remembering how beautiful I felt in my dress. I remember how I felt when N saw me for the first time in my dress. I remember praying that I wouldn't trip on my dress when walking to the "altar". I remember waiting impatiently for my dress to be bustled. I remember dancing in that dress until my hair was falling down. I remember the strawberry colored stain on the top of my dress that was caused by??? I'm pretty sure it happened when we had to take pictures pretending to eat chocolate covered strawberries...well I pretended and N ate them. :-) 

I remember the beauty and the happiness when wearing my wedding dress. 

My mother-in-law asked me while she was having a hard time accepting that I was wearing a strapless dress to my wedding: "Why would you want to wear a dress you wouldn't wear any other day".

Because it's my fairy-tale day. Because this is the day I get to feel as beautiful as the dress I'm wearing. Because whether I look it or not I am a strapless dress wearing bride. Because this just isn't any other day. Because I rocked the heck out of that dress. Because my husband couldn't take his eyes off me when I wore that dress. Because I deserved to wear a dress that I picked out. Because I'm not any girl. Because dreams sometimes come in the shape of a strapless wedding dress. 

  

Universal Studios, The Wizarding World of Harry Potter and more!

We left this past week to head over to Universal Studios for our first vacation since our honeymoon four years ago. Needless to say, it was absolutely wonderful!! I could not have asked for a more perfect vacation than this one. And we are already thinking of where we want to go next year! So awesome! 

The Harry Potter area was so breathtaking. I seriously would have just stayed there for the rest of my life! Haha! And the Butterbeer!! Oh Baby Jesus, it was divine! I wish they would sell it outside of the parks because I would live off of it. :-) 

We spent the first two days of vacation at Universal Studios and then on Thursday & Friday we spent the time sightseeing and even went to play Mini Golf. 

The weather was beautiful all week. The only time it rained was Friday morning and then it stopped and the sun came out shining with force! 

Oh...there are so many stories bubbling in my head. I don't even know where to start! So I'll just leave this video of our adventure...

Universal Studios, The Wizarding World of Harry Potter and more! from Mal Arnold on Vimeo.

Today

Today I am sitting in more questions than I had yesterday...

Today my heart is fighting to not give in to the sadness that is lingering around the edges...

Today I am so excited about the vacation that is coming up in two days...

Today I am not overwhelmed by all that I need to get for our trip because we took care of it last night...

Today I am wondering why I asked all those questions yesterday...

Today I am glad my husband was there because if he wasn't I would have lost control of my emotions...

Today my heart feels the loss of that year so much more...

Today my voice feels small...quiet...

Today I am sitting in the realization that six years ago God began to whisper to my hurting heart "I Am. I Am listening."

Today I am trying to make a list entitled "Ten things I know to be true about myself" and I'm failing miserably at coming up with more than two things...

Today I am going to make sure I keep busy...

Today I am hurt and disappointed...

Today my tears still want to come out...but I keep trying hard to hold them back...

Today I am so thankful for my husband...and I'm thankful he took me on a surprise date last night...

Today......all I can do is be me.... and according to my husband "me" is pretty awesome...but it's kinda hard to believe that right now...

"If I should have a daughter, instead of Mom, she's gonna call me Point B. Because that way she knows that no matter what happens at least she can always find her way to me. And I'm going to paint the solar systems on the backs of her hands. So she has to learn the entire universe before she can say "Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.". 


And she's gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aides or poetry. So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn't coming I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself. Cuz no matter how wide you stretch your fingers your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me. I've tried.


 "And Baby," I'll tell her, "Don't keep your nose up in the air like that. I know that trick. I've done it a million times. You're just smelling for smoke. So you can follow the trail back to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him." But I know she will anyway. So instead I'll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby. Because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix. Okay there's a few heartbreaks chocolate can't fix, but that's what the rain boots are for. Because rain will wash away everything if you let it. 


I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat. To look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind because that's the way my mom taught me. That they'll be days like this. They'll be days like this my momma said. When you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises. When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you wanna save are the ones standing on your cape. When your boots will fill with rain, and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment and those are very days you have all the more reason to say "Thank you" cuz there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it's sent away. 


You will put the "win" in win some...lose some. You will put the "star" in starting over and over. And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life. And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting I am pretty damn naive. But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily, but don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it. 


"Baby," I'll tell her, "Remember your momma is a worrier and your papa is a warrior. And you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more." Remember that good things come in threes. And so do bad things. And always apologize when you've done something wrong, but don't you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining. Your voice is small, but don't ever stop singing. And when they finally hand you heartache. When they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.            


Written By: Sarah Kay

Easter Photo Shoot

Easter 2011

Easter weekend was so good. The family came over to our place, we feasted on hot dogs, mac& cheese, and BBQ chicken, and the dessert consisted of cupcakes and cake pops. My niece and nephews went swimming and had a little egg hunt. We were able to bride my nephews into joining the fun since my sister-in-law and my mom added money in their eggs. My niece, who is three, had me rolling in laughter. The eggs were "hidden" in very obvious places, but J was having so much fun looking that she kept missing the eggs and whenever she would see one there would be happy surprised, shrieks. 3 year olds are so cute!! I completely enjoyed holding my baby nephew like all day. He is so chunky and smiles all the time! The cats were scared the whole time. One was hiding under the couch and the other was in our bedroom. Poor kitties!

We even watched my sister-in-law and brother's wedding video. Very 90's! Hahaha!

I was trying to pick out some pics to put here, but I just couldn't chose which ones so I'm just going to add them all to my FB account. That'll be easier. :-)

Happy Easter! Hope y'all had a good one!

R.I.P. Sarah Jane

Yesterday one of the Doctor's companions died. Her name is Elisabeth Sladen, but Doctor Who fans know her as Sarah Jane Smith. She was the companion to the 3rd & 4th incarnation of the Doctor back in the 70's and made special appearances for the 5th, 10th & 11th Doctor.

Sarah Jane & the 3rd Doctor

Sarah Jane & the 4th Doctor

Sarah Jane and the newest Doctor

Sarah Jane Smith was an investigative reporter who stumbled onto the Tardis and from that moment on her whole world was changed. Her character become the most favorite companion along with Tom Baker (the 4th Doctor) who become the favorite Doctor of that time. She went from being a "Yes, Doctor" "No, Doctor" girl to a well developed character who later earned herself her own series "The Sarah Jane Adventures".

An emotional goodbye between Sarah Jane and the 10th Doctor (my favorite Doctor)

K-9 was a gift the Doctor gave Sarah Jane.

K-9 was an incredibly intelligent and faithful companion for the Doctor's most faithful companion.

The Doctor Who world won't be the same without you Sarah Jane.

You'll be missed.

Lots.

So weird...

I always like to look at "search keywords" under Stats to see what brings people to my blog. Most of it is usually about vampires thanks to my Twilight post. But this one was so randomly weird I just had to post it here.

"if i was sexy, then i would drink 7up and kill the plants around"

What the heck?! Hahaha! Thank you weird person for making me laugh today! :-)

Survival Rules:

So tomorrow I'm going to watch Scream 4! Last year for Halloween I decided I would try watching some of the cult classics and my favorite hands down was the Scream series. When I found out that they were coming out with a fourth installment I knew I just had to see it. So I'm going with one of my sister-in-laws (who loves scary movies even though she denies it) to watch it with me. :-)

In honor of this scary movie I decided I would finally write down some of my scary movie rules that I mentioned in an older posts "Random Thoughts".

M's Book of Survival Rules:

For Almost Anything That Could Ever Happen According to M

1. Always check the backseat.

5. Always check behind the door

6. If you are being chased try to not run upstairs

9. Everything is a weapon so use SOMETHING

10. Don't walk in dark rooms. Turn the light on or don't bother going in the room!

14. When in doubt, decapitate!

16. When someone says "Wait here." here means where you are...not somewhere else.

18. Always call the cops. Here's a thought, don't listen to the creepy guy telling you not to call them.

19. Don't go outside and leave your door open. You might as well post a sign saying:

"Please enter and make yourself at home. I'll be back soon so you can resume your killing spree."

20. When being chased Never Ever Ever try to fit into the doggie door

22. While looking around for your chaser, don't walk backwards.

24. If you see the killer standing behind your friend say something right away! Don't wait and stare stupidly into space.

25. Always stay in your group. The moment you split up the group you become sitting ducks. And anyways, it'll give you more time to escape if the killer's attention is on someone else.

29. Never trust the clown. They are always evil.

38. Moaning people stumbling about are not horny. They are hungry.

39. Go ahead and slap the screaming hysterical girl so she shuts up!

42. Never go into the deserted looking house to phone for help.

43. If someone in your group goes missing and then shows up later don't trust them!!

47. If you think something is behind you don't bother looking. Just run. If you have to look then jump forward, spin around, and scream "BOO!". At least you'll catch your attacker off guard.

48. If on a stormy night you find a previously closed window open, then leave it open. Assume someone came through it. And remember to use it. It'll be your guaranteed escape option.

49. When somebody says "Don't worry, I'll be right back." it's code for "You are on you're own. I'm not coming back alive."

50. Check the ceiling.

51. "What could go wrong?" means that everything and anything will go wrong.

52. Ask yourself this question: "Do I really want to hide in the tub?"

And there you have it. In case you find your self in a scary movie situation try to remember some of these rules. It might just save your life. ;-)

Gardening...Kinda...

So I've decided to try "gardening" again... :-) My mom has an awesome green thumb, but I did not inherit that thumb. Maybe it's because I sucked my thumb so hard, for so long that I eventually pulled it out of it's socket. I even had to wear a cast! Hahaha! And yes, that really did happen to me.

Anywho, I'm good at keeping flowers alive in vases and I even kept Africa

n violets alive for a really long time! Nate's grandparents gave us a beautiful pot of Rosemary and it lasted for a few months...and then we forgot to water it and yeah, it died. Neither one of us are good at keeping plants alive. But now that we have a cute little backyard I thought that I would try it once more.

Nate and I went and bought some cute flowers and pots this past weekend. N even made me a cute little mulch thingy to put my pots on. See! Just the fact that I have to say "mulch thingy" proves that I have no clue what I'm doing! Haha! I'm going to try to keep this little buggars alive. I am very determined!

Nate even asked if I was going to talk to them. I laughed and told him no, but neither of us believed it. I mean, I've already named all my flowers!

Left to Right: Gaga, Dash, Fergie, Perry & TayTay

Yes, I know. I've named my flowers after singers. Lady Gaga, Dashboard Confessionals, Fergie (obviously), Katy Perry, & Taylor Swift.

Our cute little backyard!

We used to have a fixed up glider out front. It was too big to put inside and we wanted something outside so we put it out there. But it was dirty, big, and we never sat on it. So while we were buying flowers I saw a plastic chair that could take it's place easily. And it was only 6bucks! Thank you Wal-Mart! :-) Now I can sit out front and not feel like I'm about to contract some weird dirty chair disease.

Since this plant is up front, I forgot to put my pretty, bright yellow flowers in the pot that's under her. Yes, the flower is a girl, and her name is Adele (I call her Addy for short).