Um. Wow.

Um. Wow. My heart is holding something very tightly right now. Well not really tightly...just when it comes to writing it down at least. It's nothing bad...just something good...and unexpected and honestly it just feels like God looked down and said "Yeah. I do care about you. I care so much I'm gonna blow your freaking mind with this and let you be in awe because I care. So much."

{and yes, in my world God says things like "blow your freaking mind" as well as other cool and random things lol. }

It's something small and yet so big and pulling at a part in my story. It feels so weird to say that I can feel warmth and tenderness in those cold places. There is a part of me that doesn't want to get too excited because then it might not happen and then I'll be wrong about God caring and I'll just be disappointed...hugely. I really feel like deleting all this. It feels silly.

Which way do I go? I think right now I just choose the God cares path because while it doesn't feel safer...it does feel warmer and sweeter.

Um. Wow.

It might just be the PMSing talking, but...

...I really want to smash my neighbor's head into his speakers until his skull breaks or just put him in a small room with millions of speakers playing his exceptionally loud, bass exploding horrible music until his eardrums burst and blood runs out of his sockets.

....I really want the stupid man I saw last night online saying that cupcakes are "stupid and ill-constructed" because he can't fit one in his pathetic mouth without getting frosting on his beard to asphyxiate on a cupcake. Maybe even on a cupcake crumb. Justice would be served for his stupidity.

....I really want to connect myself to a morphine thingy so the cramping just stops.

....I really want to eat a lot of sugar and some yummy food right now, but I'm trying to exercise some self-control and I iz hungry.


Don't mess with a girl on her period. I tend to get really hungry, horny, and think very violent thoughts about those who piss me off. Good thing I'm not really a Super Villain. The world would be in a lot of trouble right now.

If only I had a cupcake right now... sigh... And my husband (he's at work right now). We like to cuddle and talk about all the horrible things we would do if we were criminals or villains. We are quite a perfect match. :-)

*sigh of relief* My neighbor finally stopped playing his stupid music. Maybe I accidentally mind punched him into oblivion. Muahahahaha.

My Kitchen Aid: Dee Dee

May I present the newest addition to our family!!

This is my beautiful Kitchen Aid, Dee Dee.

Isn't she beautiful?! And yes, I made a batch of cupcakes once I pulled her outta her box! :-)

2010--The Epic Movie (haha)

Goodbye 2010!! Hope you enjoy this little video! Happy New Year!!
::song is from Eisley <3 ::

It's the end of the year. Wow. I've been trying to think of something to blog lately, but the words just aren't coming. That's okay though... I'm sitting in my slightly messy living room typing right now... Fajitas are on the grill, the Christmas decorations are all put away, some of my Christmas presents are hanging on the walls and of course that means some slight redecorating is happening, my husband is laughing at the football game, and the cats have taken a short break in their play fighting...it's a nice relaxing evening in the Arnold house. :-)

I don't think I have any New Year's Resolutions. I tend to make them because it's a perfect guarantee that I won't do them. If anything I have some goals that I'll be working on. I'm hoping this year will be good for us. I'm full of hope and that's always a good thing to have on the last day of a year. :-)

Christmas Time!!

It's Christmas time!!

The tree and all the decorations are up...hot chocolate is my daily night-time drink...presents are already under the tree...there are still more presents to be bought...one kitty has already tried to get into her stocking...we've been to "Bethlehem" at Burnet and the Trail of Lights at Marble Falls...the Christmas movies (all VHS btw...well except for one...I'm old school haha) have been pulled out...we've hunted Christmas lights down, but sadly people don't seem too fond of lighting up their houses this year...we have our whole Christmas week planned out...sometime that week we'll be heading to the Riverwalk to freeze our butts off while looking at lights lol...there has been lots of snuggling under blankets...singing to Christmas music in the car...and lots of excitement about Santa coming (okay that last one is all me haha). I love Santa...nuff said.

I love Christmas time!

Waiting...

I've been thinking of something I could write about today. It seems that a common theme on the blogs I've been reading is about some form of waiting. I was looking through some pictures when I ran across this one. I thought it was a good visual of the stages we are in when we are waiting.





I see the first seal at the bottom as someone who has decided to risk getting out of their pool of "xyz". They are weary from fighting. Exhausted. Breathing is about all they can do right now. They are just now experiencing life outside of the pool. Their heart is full of questions...anger and fear and ambivalence are taking a seat at this new table. Raw is what feels the truest. Even places of numbness can still exist. Getting out of the pool was HUGE...but that's all they can muster. Hope? Hope is just feeling right now...its a mixture of fighting and resting. It's complicated.

The second seal has taken a big risk in getting up from the fear and exhaustion. Hope now looks like believing there is so much more. But it's something like looking around the corner. You're up...your feeling...your hopeful...but cautious. Is it worth it to walk up to the door. You've heard all the right answers to your heart's questions...maybe you know them inside&out, but can you believe them. Can you take them to the door and ask "Please? See me. Hear me. I'm ready. Please open this door." This seal is hopeful. But is waiting around the corner. Desiring to step out.

The third seal is risking everything. Standing at the door...hope in hands...asking loudly. Waiting for an answer. Waiting completely vulnerable...hiding behind nothing... It's hard to be there. It hurts like hell most of the time. You know someone is behind there...someone is listening. But you'll keep waiting. Hoping that door will open. Refusing to run behind the corner...refusing to give up and lay down...refusing to jump back into your pool because somehow you'll be covered and safe. You wait because there is something glorious in the pain and questions. There is something beautiful to be heard in your heart's cry.


I wonder where you're at today? Which seal are you? Are you just breathing? Peeking around the corner? Or standing at the door?

I've been to all these places...sometimes I do a little dance between standing at the door to running back behind the corner. Sometimes I just say "F*ck this. I'm too scared." And jump back into my pool. It's a process. A journey. A slow painful dance that teaches me that standing at the door is so worth it. If only I risk it all to wait.