It's Just Another Manic Mon --- Wtf?!

(dim lights...dark music)

(Captain Picard begins to speak)


Twilight...The dark new world. These are the vampires of angst and new-found humanity. Their mission: to explore pasty-white chalk, to seek out animals instead of yummy humans, to glitter like diamonds in a sun where no vampire has stood before.

The tale of forbidden love is timeless. The tale of a human girl and a vampire falling in love isn't as timeless...you can put a date on it. In fact you can date it to 1997. Please join me as we travel to Sunnydale located in California. Here we will find a pretty girl who finds out that she is more than ordinary. She is a slayer. And out of all of the pretty boys she could fall in love with she choose (dum dum dum) a vampire! Meet Buffy Summers and Angel.

We even have a rare event of a Vampire woman falling in love with a human. He doesn't stay human for very long, but that's a whole different story. Now we will travel to 2003 where Selene and Michael share a forbidden love that almost leads to their death, but love conquers all...especially when you are vampire and your lover is half vampire/half werewolf.





I could go on and on about vampire romances, but I think you get the point.
Forbidden vampire love is not anything new.

Vampire: A reanimated corpse that is believed to rise from the grave at night to suck the blood of sleeping people.

Vampires have to feed on humans. It makes them a vampire. There are only three vampires I know who had a serum to keep them from feeding...and even then they had to keep taking it or else they would revert. Meet: Vampirella, Blade, and Tesla.

Vampires do not glitter in the sun. There are some vampires who can stand in the sun (very rare of course), but they do not...i repeat...do not glitter in the freakin hot sun! Sun = bad.

Sun does not equal glitter.

Yes, Vampires can be beautiful and handsome. They can even have pale skin (you know...cuz of the whole sun thing). Sometimes vampires can even have an "ugly face". But vampires are always bad-ass. It's a requirement. They are mean, fast, and vicious. Not happy-go-lucky, or emo-ish. They are sneaky and cruel and soulless and just freakin wicked awesome!

Twilight has failed to deliver real vampires. Stephanie Myers has taken old stories and added some new stuff and delivered nice vampires that tweens will fall in love with. I'm all about introducing vampires to a younger crowd, but Really?? Really?? do we need to dumb them down to make them more family friendly. I'm sorry. Vampires are not family friendly and it's dishonoring their age-old legend by turning into something other than the living dead. Even Angel and Bill maintained their "I will kick your ass and suck you dry if you give me a chance" attitude while they play "nice" and tormented vampires. They are men...not boys. They were real vampires not Twilight wanna-be vampires.

Twilight...

WTF?!